I am now mother to two children. As I see a lot of my peers going through a choice - of whether to have a child at all, or two, or in rare cases, three - all valid and right choices, I wonder about the factors that drive these choices.
Free availability of money is clearly a factor as is parental or in-law support for the raising of children , especially for working mothers. Not to mention, physical ability to have one of course - this is an issue as old as time - fertility. And mental fortitude to actually raise the child/children one has, instead of running off to Kasi or to a far off relative's house, to an isolated tropical island - which all mothers and fathers get tempted to at some point, depending on the weight of their purse.
In the way I see it, for most Indians of the child bearing age, the first child seems to be almost a compulsion - the biological imperative - to reproduce and propagate the species - though they don't think of their choice to have a child in those words, for sure. The intense need to experience motherhood (and Fatherhood too, though it is less articulated) feels very real , personal and an independant animal in itself, to be explained in such prosaic terms such as "propagate the species." The woman or man, doesn't ever think that that is indeed what she/he is doing- for the intense need to have a child is a very selfish , personal expression of themselves - such is the way the individual mind is designed to fool itself so that the species benefits. How devious is nature or God, huh? ( What ever designed life according to your belief system).
But, the interesting thing is the choice to have a second child. It is hard to predict which way a couple goes as far as having a second child is concerned. People who grew up happily with siblings most likely make the choice to have another child. People who grew up as single kids feel that they weren't denied anything special and make the choice to stop with one. Going through a few more years of sleepless nights is not something anyone decides about lightly, especially in this day of easy living. As a generation, most of us din't do hard labour as children or as teens outside or even in our own homes, and raising a small baby, especially the first couple of years, is indeed hard labour. And who wants to sign up for that unless absolutely necessary?
As we all look for reasons to make ourselves feel letter about the choices we make, this Covid-19 lockdown, has shown me something that I always felt to be true. Imagine keeping a single child occupied for 3-4 months inside the house! I see my friends, colleagues and neighbours with single kids. And I see those children growing more and more isolated in their homes. How much of the parent's time and effort goes into making sure the child stays engaged and not getting upto naughtiness or just getting stuck on the TV or Laptop or phone screens?
But, we made the choice to have two. And now, they play with each other, talk to each other, engage each other in conversation. And my work in making sure the house is not a prison for them is cut in half. They have each other, as playmates. They have each other to learn from. They have each other to fight with and make up with. And hopefully they will grow up with each other and enrich each other's lives. And we, my husband and I, never need fear the lockdowns or the quarantines or even the bunkers, as far as the kids are concerned.
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