The musings of a (not-so) single chick in the city. (Don't think that the term chick is derogoratory. We refer to boys by a number of terms). The travails in the life of an ex-miss-goody-two-shoes, ex-journalist, ex-small time model, ex-television actress, of being female in Chennai/ Pune/Bangalore, of ideas old and ideas new....

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Issues

What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare....W.H.Davies was a genius....I have no time to stand and breathe in even the polluted air of my beautiful city.....all my time, I spend on the run.

Of course, some of the running, I bring upon myself. Running away from prospective beaus, is something I dont particularly enjoy, yet am forced to do it, because I dont want to hurt anybody or let anyone down, but yet, I have to refuse dates if I accidentally bump into them or pick up their calls, because actually going on the date will give them ideas, which I obviously am uncomfortable giving.

How does all of this start anyway? I am friendly, even flirtatious, but the moment I sense more than casual interest, I run. Why? Because all the guys I just want to flirt with, end up wanting more. And all I guys I do want more with, end up running away. Ironic, isnt it? Amidst all the running and the chasing, I wonder if at all I will meet someone who wants me, who I want too....Am not talking the sex thing here, theres plenty of two way desire happening in my life. I am talking about wanting a relationship with a guy who wants a relationship with me.

Somehow in my 23 year old liberated life, even though the last ten years have been around 'heightened awareness ' members of the opposite sex, I have not managed to find that elusive thing called a relationship. Oh, the issues.

Who doesnt have them? All the world has are issues. With other countries, with neighbouring states, with the teacher, the boss, colleagues, friends, co-actors, siblings, parents........with the crackle bar sitting on my table and the last of the whiskey in the Johnny Walker bottle.....issues.

More later.

4 comments:

Arjun said...

ohh... i love crackle! but thats besides the point... what are "heightened awareness" members of the opposite sex?

AV said...

Guess I din't convey what I wanted to. Sleep-blogging does that.
Was referring to guys who are attracted to me, or guys I am attracted to. Some kind of awareness.... one way,both ways..

ess said...

Ok, this is an extremely delayed comment, and someone's probably told you this already, but that poem wasn't written by Wordsworth.

Here's the link: http://www.poeticexpressions.co.uk/poems/What%20is%20this%20life%20if%20full%20of%20care.htm

AV said...

Hey Ess,
Thanks for your comment. Somehow all the poems that we were made to read in high school ...and the ones that stuck in my head...I think Wordsworth wrote them....forgetting all those wonderful other poets.