The musings of a (not-so) single chick in the city. (Don't think that the term chick is derogoratory. We refer to boys by a number of terms). The travails in the life of an ex-miss-goody-two-shoes, ex-journalist, ex-small time model, ex-television actress, of being female in Chennai/ Pune/Bangalore, of ideas old and ideas new....

Monday, August 22, 2011

Lover to Kept Woman/Man to Whore/Man ho ?

In this day of liberalised love and subjective morality, I wonder where one draws the line between right and wrong. I am not talking about absolute wrongs like murder, theft and destroying public property, but when is sleeping with a person right and when is it wrong?

A section of my generation thinks that love and sex can be kept separate. I am talking about girls' ideas about love and sex here, because traditionally men have never seemed to have a problem with keeping wives and mistresses a plenty ( when they had the money) or visiting whores (when they didn't). There are far more historical figures of men with many lovers/wives/concubines/harems than women with similar number of lovers/gigolos/husbands/ etc. (All of the male gods in Hinduism - except Ram. Even if you argue that our epics are not real, but embellished stories, there are kings and nawabs with all number of wives and concubines - Ashoka to Akbhar to Shahjehan(3 wives inspite of his TajMahal sized love for one), world-wide there was Solomon, Henry VIII, Charles II( too many mistresses to count) to Mark Antony(not a king when he took all those extra wives and mistresses)  and an ex-chief minister of TN who will remain nameless, and these are just people we know of, because these men's lives were famous. But there are not half as many women who led lives where they had harems of pretty young men to service their needs. But, today the case is that women are far more liberal about expressing their need for sex and getting it too. So now, there is even more confusion about the morality of modern day liaisons.

(Note: The word lover here does not indicate one who is in love. Dictionary meaning of lover : a. A paramour. b. A sexual partner. Not using the desi meaning of the word 'lover')
Anyway, coming back to the point, most people I know and interact with on a daily basis think it is okay for any two consenting adults to indulge in hanky-panky. The story I want to relate is probably many a youngster's story. ASX(Girl) met AMK(boy) during a graduate program in Bangalore. Now, AMK has RK - girlfriend- in living and working in Mumbai. Over the course of their study ASX and AMK became lovers. Now, ASX knew about RK, the girl waiting back in Mumbai for her boyfriend to come back to her, which he did. Now, where does that leave ASX? Moving on with her life, but while he was her lover, what was she to him? Lover? Or Mistress? Do not get me wrong. I know stories where it was the girl who was supposed to be in a committed relationship, but slept with another guy on the side. So the in-between fling boy - was he just a gigolo who came free of charge?

When two free consenting adults come together for sex, people think there is nothing wrong with it. But, it is for the sad souls out there who think - " aah its just sex - so what is he/she is committed elsewhere ?" that this goes out to.

Do not be a mistress or a gigolo! Nothing good ever comes of that.

If it is just sex you are looking for there are other non committed people you can find. If you want a relationship, then that person looking to cheat on his/her boyfriend or girlfriend with you is not the one you want to be in a relationship with, because he/she will go back to their partners once they get bored or whatever it is they were looking to fulfill that their partners were not fulfilling, they will decide to go without it, as they had been, before you came along. If they think you are their "true love" they would have broken off with their partners to be your partner the moment they knew that you are way more suited to them, than their boyfriend/girlfriend.

It is whole different can of worms when both people indulging in an affair are committed elsewhere. Even worse when they are married people. Where is the morality? What is right and what is wrong? From lover to mistress/kept man to what next ? Whore/Man-ho?

Sunday, July 24, 2011

That animal called the PJ party

I was in a houseful of drunk girls at a pj party yesterday. Now its all coming back, now that the hazy film over the conversations that had happened is dissolving. Obviously, there was way too much sex talk. Boys reading this will probably snicker to themselves, and imagine girls drooling about their glorious manliness. But the sad fact is that it was mostly girls moaning about the sad lack of expertise among the males in their lives and their general selfishness in bed. Methinks there was some point to the cosmo cover stories after all.

So, why are men selfish in bed? Is it something to do with genetics? Can't they be pleasure givers and be receivers? So, yeah it takes longer for a female to reach the big O. But patience is a virtue that pays rich dividends, or so say old proverbs something to that effect. If the girlfriend/wife/lover is satisfied, she is going to try harder to please the guy in return. If she is not, then obviously her interest in sex is going to vane so fast that the man would be bedding a cold fish much sooner than he can say menopasue.

So, coming back to the party, it takes all types, doesnt it? The party ended in much good spirits for most concerned. Certain events came to light much later during the next day, that is, today. That there are small little girls who want be handled by kid gloves by anyone they come in contact with. And if the 'person' doesn't know this, and lo behold, small little girl's big protector boyfriend will immediately rush to her defence. The boyfriend in question will call up said 'person' and mouth threats. I mean, where do these kids come from ? Oh wait, I know. Small towns, and hence small minds. Throw in a little hypocrisy, that everyone should have thick hides, but they will not. Any insults they throw are justified, but they can't take even the slightest jokes against them with a pinch of salt. The fact that I have to rant about this annoys me to no end. Urgh.

Meanwhile, another 'good' girl confessed into another's ear, under the effect of alcohol that sex was good. Ask her if what she said was true. own upto her statement under the cold harsh light of day, and you have committed sacrilege. All this hiding and secretiveness, and 'morality for show' makes me want to hurl. I want to go back into an environment, where it is okay to be oneself. Where it is okay to be lusty or prudish, loud or quiet, frank or reticent, friendly or unfriendly without fear of offending some little miss or kindergarden boy. Speaking of hurling, three girls did that too. But it was in the safe confines of the bathroom, thankfully.

Friday, June 24, 2011

The things I learnt over the summer

Summer is over, and back in Pune, it's already the monsoon season. And when it is not drizzling, the breeze is cool, and it was a jolt when I arrived here after being in Chennai for three months where the summer is still going strong. Of course, in Chennai, we don't really have any other season. It's summer all year round. (Discounting the two measly months of December and January, where it might not be as hot.)

In Pune though, the current weather is perfect for staying in bed all day, drifting in and out of sleep, and lamenting the fact that classes will start in a day or two, and that nine a.m arrives too soon in the day.

So, enjoying the lazing around, amongst other things I was thinking about what is it that I have learnt over the summer, from both my experience and from people around me.

1.  Indians who go to the US on short holidays totally miss the point of what that country is all about. The good and the bad.

2. Girls who are torn between two men and their love, and have a pathological need for drama, have to have the choice made for them. If not, it will be a love triangle for all their lives, which might be fine if not for the small fact of three sets of parents and siblings whose lives are kind of screwed. So, one needs to send such girls to therapists.

3. Human males who have pounding headaches should not attempt to have sex.

4. Management school teachers who use the non-word 'learnings' with a 's' at the end should be sent to elementary school again.

5. Ethics are a thing of the past as far as corporate hospitals are concerned. In the run for profits, the line between right and wrong has never been this blurry, ever.

6. Nieces and nephews, those cuddly things with bright, inquisitive gazes are enough to reaffirm anybody's faith in humanity.

7. The way to keep parents happy is saying 'yes' to most of their demands, and knowing when to keep one's mouth shut, and living in a place far enough away that they cannot jump into a train to see one, without disrupting very many peoples' schedules.

8. One should not walk into a ladies restroom in a club known for its homosexual clientile in Chennai or by extension, any other city, without knocking, or preferably, pounding on the door, unless one wishes to see  lesbian porn between a female from one's own group and a strange girl. I guess this applies for the men's restroom too.

9. One needs to be very careful with what one tells one's match-making friends, else they will ask for one's horoscope to send to one of their friend's parents.

10. Mangoes, for all their yummy-ness are loaded with calories. Well, I knew this already. Now, I know it even better.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Demo - crazy?

So, the AIADMK has won a clear majority in the TN Assembly elections. As an ex-newsreader at Jaya TV, I must admit I am pleased. No more speeches about the 'minority DMK government' and its monstrosities that go on for pages and pages on the teleprompter, that has made even the most loyal party man/woman groan in boredom.

But more importantly, I am pleased because the big family has been doing some major levels of damage all over, sucking the country dry of currency. 2G being just one atrocity in a huge bale of hay. I mean, see the obvious, most visible industry of all. The three movie production houses, two of which were not even formed five years ago, raking in crores, because distributors were scared shit less to say no to the prices demanded, and when they did out of self preservation, then another arm of the family itself started distributing the substandard entertainment they were putting out, transferring the burden of debt and suicidal thoughts one step down the ladder, to theatre owners.

Threatening a rich a-list actor who stubbornly keeps away from award functions and making him attend one to prove political might? Seriously? What were they thinking? When the actor proved that he had a spine and spoke about it to a live audience, immediately, using plausible deniability, they were saying 'we had no clue that people were using our names to make you come here', and 'We will look into this disaster, accept our apologies' to save face.

Highways are nasty all over the state. Emergency response for accidents are a joke here. Public schools have no standards to measurement, and the teachers there are apathetic to their students' needs, the list is endless in all spheres under governance. But, one hears things about how big the house of a certain Chennai based MP is. He has gates from his property directly opening into four important lanes in the Adyar boat club area. His house takes up an entire block in other words. Phone lines- BSNL phone lines routed, numerous lines, to his house, and were used for the office purposes of the family's television channel.

Everyone wonders why a minister, unconnected to the family was allowed to make off with lakhs of crores? Think again. The said minister and one female family member were supposed to have been lovers. Whether that rumour is true or not (It is big secret- which is that everyone in TN suspects it- no publication will say anything other than hint around it), it begs several question - why would a non-family member be allowed to take a huge chunk of the spoils? What do they have on him that they know he will not betray them? and If there was such a big loss to the government - how can it ever be recovered? And what kind of internal family politics has led to the female being made the 'fall woman" when clearly if there were to have been benefits from the scam, it would all have been shared in proportion?

So, coming back to Amma, clearly, no matter what AIADMK says, it was a case of voting out the DMK than the need to bring any one specific party in. But,if people had voted randomly to promising independents or small parties with clearer agendas, they know what will happen. If the opposition party had not been voted in with a majority, the DMK would have found ways to bring in all the victorious independents, and the small small parties to its side, with money or threats (Just thinking of the Madurai arm of the party makes people quake int heir boots), and formed the government again. So, the need to elect AIADMK with a clear idea to kick out the reigning party.

What will happen in the next five years, I wonder. Clearly, there will be corruption. But how much and how obvious will it be? Bad enough to vote the DMK back in? Or will Amma keep a lid on how much her ministers and MLAs are looting? Will fulfilling all their election promises within a year and a half- as she has promised be enough to keep the people in line for the remaining three and a half years? ( Many people, on hearing this 1.5 year promise hoot with laughter. Because the state treasury is supposed to be empty. Since it was emptied by the DMK for unnecessary park building, new assembly building constructions- with expensive fake and real roofs, while the old one is perfectly functional and a historical landmark to boot,  lining the pockets, building fancy libraries, instead of reinforcing infrastructure of existing libraries. Anyway, since the treasury is very low on resources -Amma will be going to visit Mr. Pranab shortly is what I predict. Just watch.)

Anyway - If the public remembers- they usually don't - in 2016- will the vote be in DMK's favour? Or will they vote in the DMDK - Vijaykanth's party- because the AIADMK is going to do exactly what the DMK did and earn ill-will in the next five years? Will Vijaykanth, with all his newbie-ness in politics, be seduced by the crores of public money he can take for himself, or try to be true to his hero image - of goodness, moral uprightness and all things incorruptible? Time will tell. It is going to be interesting to watch in any case what the next five years will bring.

But - Does any one politician care for the welfare of the state? Will there ever be a person with nothing but development of the state in mind? Someone who started like Chandrababu Naidu in Hyderabad, but also maintained steam till the end and distributed his/her efforts all over the state instead of just the cities? I wonder, I wonder.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Accepting what is...

People just don't want to think logically. And people don't want a peaceful existence. Seriously, all I have seen is that people love drama. Okay, this is not true of all people. Mostly, I am talking about young people. And, yeah, they are into pity-parties big time as well.

I am around a lot of kids in their early twenties from non-tier-I cities. These are just out of the clutches of their family-social-settings. And ideally should be beginning to think before they leap. Think before falling in 'lurveeee'. Or just think. Period.

Guys and girls fall in love. This is natural, or so I have been told. Sometimes it so happens, that the person you love doesn't love you back, or doesn't love you back enough. If it is the latter, then please go and see He's just not that into you. If you are a guy, that doesn't matter, the point still applies. A girl might be into you, just not enough.  (Guy or girl, kindly ignore the filmy ending. The film defeats its purpose by doing an about turn at the end. Just like Love Aaj Kal. )

If it is the former, where you are majorly into someone, and they are not, then I have news for you. It is not their fault. Stop abusing them, their fathers, mothers and their ancestors. Not their faults either. Put yourself in their shoes. If someone is majorly into you, and you just don't fancy them, is it your fault that you cannot reciprocate their feelings? Then why is it his/her fault when He/She doesn't like you? It just means that He/She cannot see you the way you would like them to see you. What you perceive as chemistry, might not be, in their eyes. You think you have a lot of common interests but, may be they are looking for something else. You think you are awesome, they don't. As simple as that.

That is how things are. Accepting how things are is a big step in growing up. ( I think I saw a self help book somewhere with the title, Accepting what is. That is what spurred this rant in the first place. Plus I have a younger friend who is deeply in depression about a girl who is not interested).
I have been there, all angst-y, and cursing and being childish in my early twenties, when my ardour was not returned, and put it in devdas terms, ' I had a couple of lurvveee failures' and moped about for weeks, even months.

 Then I started thinking, when my moping lessened, I actually started thinking. Back to the time when boys 'proposed' to girls in school yards with roses and greeting cards on valentine's day. I have returned roses and cards, when accepting a card meant returning/or accepting the 'lurrveee'. I just didn't see myself with those guys. I grew up a little. The scenario changed. It was college campus, and it was a little different. I have turned down 'lets have a coffee' if I knew the guy wanted more than casual friendship and I did not.

And over the years, after dating a few guys, it was turning down invitations to dinner. With some guys, it was turning down one-night-stands. With some it was visiting their mother. (That was downright scary!)

After being the rejected one, and some realisations about the equations between people, I was much nicer about refusing/rather, saying, Thanks, but no  thanks, instead of being harsh/curt.

The realisation that people who reject us are not all that bad took time in coming. I would like to spread this wisdom :-), but have no forum. See, because young people do not want to hear all this wise crap. I certainly did not when people a few years older and wiser told me to take any rejection with a pinch of salt and not give it undue importance.

All I want to ask the kids of these days is :  How is it that when we are the reject-er we are fault free, but when we are rejected the opposite party is a villain?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

An idea is like a virus

I saw Inception again. What mastery over the media form could Chris Nolan have needed to spin such a twisted tale! A movie that keeps the action going non-stop while making you think with every line of dialogue spoken. There are action movies, wham-bham every frame, but the premise is kept simple (Think Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson etc etc) so the audience can focus on the movement on the screen and enjoy it. And there are movies that make you think, take on a philosophical analysis after the last frame has flashed past. (Think really crazy film maker - who's name you never bothered finding out, but that strange movie that you came across accidentally, but was so evocative and is the first movie you think of when someone asks which was your all time favourite movie.)

 But this movie combines both with such expertise, that from the very moment you begin to grasp what is happening, when the chinese guy's house starts collapsing and they show a sleeping Arthur while he is actually standing right next to Sato, the idea that this movie is about dreams, and manipulating people while they were sleeping, and stealing within dreams, and epsionage and has twist within twist takes root, and you willingly begin to suspend disbelief and sit up. And when the last frame is still running, and you are waiting with bated breath to see if the totem will topple, hoping that it will topple, and that the reality that Cobb thinks is reality is indeed reality as we know it, or perceive it, is so strong, that you want the director to give the principal character the ending that you would want for yourself, you actually want to find Chris Nolan and throttle him for leaving the movie the way he did it.

Then a few days later, or a few minutes later (depending on how fast your brain processes rational thought and emotions, your own and others',  of course), you realise that of course that was the point that Nolan was trying to make. What if this world we live in is real, or what if it isnt? Are we real? The world and us, living things here and everything we have made, are real only as far as we perceive it to be. It doesn't matter one way or the other in the larger scheme of things. Assuming that there is a larger scheme, that is, and we can perceive it, but then, that doesn't matter too.

It is all going around in circles and now doesn't make sense to me either :D