The musings of a (not-so) single chick in the city. (Don't think that the term chick is derogoratory. We refer to boys by a number of terms). The travails in the life of an ex-miss-goody-two-shoes, ex-journalist, ex-small time model, ex-television actress, of being female in Chennai/ Pune/Bangalore, of ideas old and ideas new....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Accepting what is...

People just don't want to think logically. And people don't want a peaceful existence. Seriously, all I have seen is that people love drama. Okay, this is not true of all people. Mostly, I am talking about young people. And, yeah, they are into pity-parties big time as well.

I am around a lot of kids in their early twenties from non-tier-I cities. These are just out of the clutches of their family-social-settings. And ideally should be beginning to think before they leap. Think before falling in 'lurveeee'. Or just think. Period.

Guys and girls fall in love. This is natural, or so I have been told. Sometimes it so happens, that the person you love doesn't love you back, or doesn't love you back enough. If it is the latter, then please go and see He's just not that into you. If you are a guy, that doesn't matter, the point still applies. A girl might be into you, just not enough.  (Guy or girl, kindly ignore the filmy ending. The film defeats its purpose by doing an about turn at the end. Just like Love Aaj Kal. )

If it is the former, where you are majorly into someone, and they are not, then I have news for you. It is not their fault. Stop abusing them, their fathers, mothers and their ancestors. Not their faults either. Put yourself in their shoes. If someone is majorly into you, and you just don't fancy them, is it your fault that you cannot reciprocate their feelings? Then why is it his/her fault when He/She doesn't like you? It just means that He/She cannot see you the way you would like them to see you. What you perceive as chemistry, might not be, in their eyes. You think you have a lot of common interests but, may be they are looking for something else. You think you are awesome, they don't. As simple as that.

That is how things are. Accepting how things are is a big step in growing up. ( I think I saw a self help book somewhere with the title, Accepting what is. That is what spurred this rant in the first place. Plus I have a younger friend who is deeply in depression about a girl who is not interested).
I have been there, all angst-y, and cursing and being childish in my early twenties, when my ardour was not returned, and put it in devdas terms, ' I had a couple of lurvveee failures' and moped about for weeks, even months.

 Then I started thinking, when my moping lessened, I actually started thinking. Back to the time when boys 'proposed' to girls in school yards with roses and greeting cards on valentine's day. I have returned roses and cards, when accepting a card meant returning/or accepting the 'lurrveee'. I just didn't see myself with those guys. I grew up a little. The scenario changed. It was college campus, and it was a little different. I have turned down 'lets have a coffee' if I knew the guy wanted more than casual friendship and I did not.

And over the years, after dating a few guys, it was turning down invitations to dinner. With some guys, it was turning down one-night-stands. With some it was visiting their mother. (That was downright scary!)

After being the rejected one, and some realisations about the equations between people, I was much nicer about refusing/rather, saying, Thanks, but no  thanks, instead of being harsh/curt.

The realisation that people who reject us are not all that bad took time in coming. I would like to spread this wisdom :-), but have no forum. See, because young people do not want to hear all this wise crap. I certainly did not when people a few years older and wiser told me to take any rejection with a pinch of salt and not give it undue importance.

All I want to ask the kids of these days is :  How is it that when we are the reject-er we are fault free, but when we are rejected the opposite party is a villain?


Bala said...

Very true! People always watch one side of the game... There is always a way to get rid without hurt...

The Kid said...

ha ha! thanks for the advice on lowe.

You know what? I suddenly noticed that your writing resembles The compulsive confessor, in the spirit. Only you are better. Of late The Compulsive
Confessor sounds too monotonous.

You a ex-model you say... woow! that is awesome!

The Kid said...

You write so well and you are from chennai you are my perfect target.

Would you like to join my new blogging hobby? It is called

Before you blog in zeole you have to chose a city to write. Thats it!

Let me know if you like it.