The musings of a (not-so) single chick in the city. (Don't think that the term chick is derogoratory. We refer to boys by a number of terms). The travails in the life of an ex-miss-goody-two-shoes, ex-journalist, ex-small time model, ex-television actress, of being female in Chennai/ Pune/Bangalore, of ideas old and ideas new....

Showing posts with label Chennai. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chennai. Show all posts

Friday, November 18, 2022

The controversy of Religion and the controversy of Race- II - Evolution

 

Hinduism- or parts of it that has travelled to the east from our land....and when you see the rituals practised towards clearly identifiable Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh idols, you can see that while they have influences from India, they are largely local...from the flowers in the decoration, to the songs sung, to the meat  - goats, chicken, pig etc that is offered in the temple itself. (Clearly the effect that was started by Jainism that has rid most of our Indian Hindu temples off animal offerings has not gone there. That some of our temples are holding on to the practise of animal offering is another subject for another day.) Btw, the most recent cool thing is to offer bubble tea for Ganesh in Thailand. Diabetes fear anyone? No worse than our jaggery and sugar laden modaks you say? Fair enough.

This kind of Hinduism varietal between India and the far east countries that still practise some form of Hinduism shows us how insular we are being when we try to codify our religion....and try to limit it from all it can be when we say - only this practise can be called Hinduism and that practise should not. Only this god is Hindu and that god is not. Where do we limit it and where do we not? Gods prayed to before 1947 are Hindu gods and those that came after are not? Gods or their embodiments within the sub-continent are Hindu Gods and the versions/avatars prayed to in Burma-Thailand-Indonesia etc are not?

This last question is specifically related to the local gods that are ubiquitous to every nook and cranny in our country. A small diety/shrine that was a anthill- turned snakehill which was on the way to my school where local women worshipped and offered milk, was suddenly painted with turmeric and vermillion one day, then a few years later, became a 'Amman' (Metal face mask of a generic Goddess was installed in front of the crumbling snake-hill) with a shed built over her when I was a teenager. A single-roomed 'Temple' was built around it by the time I had started working. Somewhere along the way, a proper "Amman" idol made of black stone was installed where the original anthill had been located. A priest started working there. When I recently visited Chennai, I saw that the Amman Temple was now larger, and the outer wall painted with white and red and with a proper "praharam" made of metal grillwork around the Central "Amman". This has happened in the last 35-40 years, within my lifetime. (Do I hear encroachment? Misuse of Porramboke land? Yup, all of it is true and more). But this is a microcosm of the evolution of one part of Hinduism happening right in front of our eyes. Just try to apply that over the past several thousand years in widely ranging people and societies across the four directions in our country and then you might get the larger picture of why we are as we are- with diverse practices and equally diverse thoughts about our religion.

(Have you heard of the Bodyguard Muneeswaran Temple in Chennai? This is a story of how some labourers brought their village diety with them to Chennai and set it up near their new place of work, near the Barracks in Park Town. A British Commander who had some objections and asked it to be removed met with an accident. Believing that his accident was a result of his "objections" to the newly arrived god, he let the idol stay where it had been planted. This idol now has a proper temple with regular sevai. This Muni"Easwaran" / a form of Shiva - is believed to protect one from accidents. People buying new vehicles come there for a poojai in the mornings where a line of autos and cars are parked right in front of the temple. I don't know about the vehicles parked there for the poojai, but the traffic in already congested Park Town gets worse for wear for sure on some days due to the temple crowds, leading to scrapes and dents for others) 

Now to house-gods. This is a practise relevant in Thanjavur area among some saivaite castes and maybe in other areas as well. Every house in my father's village has a god. Really. They are called Veettu-Deivams. It usually looked similar in most houses' poojai rooms I had seen during my holidays. It was a rectangular portion of the wall, about 2 ft* 1ft, painted in Kaavi (Reddish Brown). And inside it was painted many pattais (three white horizontal stripes with a red dot in the centre - symbol of Shiva) and a few namams (Three vertical stripes -centre one is usually red - symbol of Vishnu). Whenever the oldest male member of a house died, the pattern inside the painting had to be re-painted. Whenever the house underwent painting also, the Veettu Deivam was repainted. And on every Pongal Day? (No, that's not it.) But that patch of the wall was regularly repainted on a yearly basis. And any male member who went to live elsewhere had to paint the same pattern in their Poojai rooms and pray to it on a regular basis. The Pattais and Namams represented their forefathers. These days it has evolved into rectangular wooden tray-like thing that can be hung up anywhere given that mostly people don't live where their grandparents lived  -given the large move of the Indian population from rural-farming lives to urban -office going lives. And who can repaint their Pooja rooms on a regular basis anyway? My mother and aunts now repaint their "hang-able" Veettu-Deivams easily from time to time. (Search about this on Google and you wouldn't get a single correct hit for the image. Maybe this practise is totally dying out or is more highly guarded that I would have thought.)

Forgive the rambling. My point is that, we are ever evolving as a species. Let our religion itself evolve just like our religious practises do. Because if we stop to codify and limit Hinduism from absorbing, assimilating, and spreading in different directions (not geographical!!! In thought, in philosophy, in practise, in rituals etc....) we stop evolving. And from history the one thing we can learn is that when something stopped evolving, it dwindled and then died. So for those die-hard right wingers and self-appointed protectors of Hinduism out there, if you want several more generations of your descendants to  enjoy this beautiful religion of Hinduism (provided the earth is not destroyed by a meteor...global warming...yada yada), be accepting of adaptations we must do in order to keep our religion evolving and thereby relevant through the glorious ages yet to come. 






Friday, November 11, 2022

How to hit on a woman politely: Pointers for the uninitiated

 This suddenly different sort of post is due to a 'news' article I read recently about how a success party for a movie ended on a very sour note because one man from the production company 'misbehaved' with one of the female assistant directors of the movie. It is a whole different matter because while several mainstream newspapers reported about the 'success' party along with pictures of the massively popular ensemble cast members, none reported about the 'ruckus' and 'trashing' that happened at the end of the party due to this 'upsetting' event. (Production head honcho was very upset about this evidently). The news of this has leaked because some of the party attenders have alluded to what happened on their social media.  

This got me thinking about how our boys - that is- most Tamil boys specifically and more liberally, young Indian boys (late teens and early twenties), have absolutely no idea on how to hit on single women they meet in clubs/pubs/restaurants without coming across as complete creeps. 

1. They do not know how to read if a woman is interested in them or not. ( Just because a woman is dancing with you, alone or with a group of friends, does not mean she wants you to paw her. It means she just wants to dance.)

2. Even if the guy perceives interest from a woman and reciprocate the interest, he does not know how to take it forward.

3. If they do make a verbal sexual proposition to a woman, it most often than not, comes across as creepy or crass that makes the woman/girl turn away in disgust. (Not everyone can be a Joey Tribbianni and click his tongue and make a kissy face and have women get naked. First that's not reality, and also Chennai, Bangalore, Hyderabad and Cochin is not New York.) 

(Disclaimer : I'm talking exclusively about boys/men who understand consent- I am not talking about the sexual harassers/ molesting creeps - This article is just about the run of the mill, regular Kumars of my generation) 

So - they need pointers/tips on making a proposition - a polite proposition to a woman, one that has a better response than getting a slap / slipper to the face, or worse if the boy is the clueless type who makes an idiot of himself(see above point 1), then, the girl gets shocked/ yells at him, and then, trashing from other men who are nearby. 

1 . Is the woman/girl sustaining eye contact with you ? This is the first indicator. Because if a girl identifies you as a creep/sleazo, then her eyes will slide away fast. You better not make an approach if there is anything sexual on your mind. 

2. Is your conversation interesting?  Coz if you are only going to keep on talking about your self and not let her get a word in, the interest will flag faster than the next coffee/ drink/course will arrive at your table/nook.

3. Girls these days are very progressive. If they are interested in you for more than friendship, most will let you know, if not explicitly, then at least there will be verbal indicators if not physical signalling. Learn to listen to the verbal and non-verbal cues the girl/woman is giving you.

4. It is perfectly okay to ask -"Can I kiss you? " in a polite tone and get a resounding "NO" as an answer and have an uncomfortable conversation or be ignored by the girl later, rather than hint around and waste your time and hers, or worse, try something stupid that would get you a slap on the face. 

5. Also, be mentally prepared that the girl may/will gossip about your moves/overtures with her friends and you may get snide remarks/be teased about your actions later by her friends and your friends if you have common friends or move in the same circles. Be prepared to take the teasing good natured-ly or at least to shrug it off with panache . ( This is if you are a poor reader of signs of interest shown in you and you have managed to completely misread the girl and she is angry/irritated with you.) 

6. If the answer is "Yes", then kiss her for sure, but try not to maul the poor girl/woman and try to let her take the lead so you understand where her comfort/discomfort levels are. After all, she only agreed to kiss you.  

Note: These points are all for newly met women/girls. If you are slotted firmly in the friend-zone with a girl you have known for a while, the open and sustained eye-contact the girl may maintain with you will be very different than if she wants to be in your pants. Please don't hit on your existing female friends unless you are ABSOLUTELY SURE there is sexual interest, because that is the fastest way to lose the friend.  



Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Ella Meter-um Voduthu, Amma katchi valukkuthu - Auto meters are running in Chennai. I'm voting for Amma.




I am a Chennai-ite, and this has always meant dealing with auto drivers who are supremely dismissive of their customers, and us getting rides always depended on the rare occurrences of their condescension. This hate-hate relationship of customers with auto drivers was spawned by the drivers being encouraged in their exhortative behaviour by political goondas who owned and rented out thousands of auto-rickshaws.

One of my earliest memories (80’s) is of my father fighting with an auto-driver who agreed to go from Ayanavaram to Shanti Colony (Anna Nagar East) for 10 rupees, but demanded twelve rupees when we were halfway through, near ICF. My father, a man of principle, was unskilled in bargaining but very skilled at getting himself riled up, made the driver stop, paid him a full ten rupees for the half distance and walked my mother and carried me the rest of the way in the hot sun. No experience with auto drivers since has made me change my opinion of them as greedy and always bargain for more than the set kilometer rate, since then. 

But, these days my auto rides in Chennai are accompanied by a sense of surreal and furtive joy that feels like it will be snatched away any moment and I snap back out of my dream into reality where auto fares are back to normal. (Normal = exorbitant, see?). In fact I think that this ‘fair pricing’ won’t last and in fact, can’t last, because it is too good to be true. I walk away from an auto after having paid exactly 32 rupees according to the meter and I wasn't abused in face-turns-blue language and rage? Did the driver just nod politely and proceeded to bend down to start the engine? What the hell has happened to real life and more importantly, can this wonderfulness continue at all?

In an aside - Is that a vague sense of guilt I feel when I pay the price on the meter, like I have cheated the auto driver of his deserved extra (for which they usually work hard by arguing and playing a great game of negotiation) money?


Thanks to Amma, our own puratchithalaivi Ms.J.J, we pay what fair prices for auto rides as of the last one-two months, and the disbeliever that I am, I don’t think this will last. Regime change will happen, because while for me this is a change/difference big enough to re-vote her into office, it is not for a lot of people. Or the RTO offficers that are hounding these auto-wallas if they spot one without a re-calibrated meter now because of pressure from their bosses who are under pressure from Amma, will soon lose steam, because that is what normally happens, and slowly the meters will go into disuse and the earlier negotiation system will come back into force again. And normalcy will return.