A child-less world : The future?

Jokes and memes aside : India's population grew tremendously between the 1930's and 1970's when those governing woke up suddenly to the fact it was growing at an alarming rate without concurrent resource growth and began devising policy to control it. Tubectomies, Vasectomies were touted. Sterilization targets were given to states by the centre. International aid was sought and supplied. "We two ours two" became a policy in India towards reducing the fertility rate towards replacement levels of population growth , which we are almost at now - that is- 2.1 fertility rate from more than 5 in the 1950's. China went a step further and mandated a strict "We two ours one" policy in 1980 which was only withdrawn in 2016- because the demography was getting screwed, and even then, the policy withdrawal came after many, many internal calls from population scientists for ending the policy over the course of several years.  

Now to the other side of the coin - Who wants to have kids these days? Either people across the world are getting super smart and learning from the experiences of others or people are automatically becoming less enthused by the idea of becoming parents and not having much between the sheets action. In fact, discounting a few northern states, fertility rate is actually below replacement level in most of India. And so our population may stabilise in the 1950's and then begin to decline is what Indian population experts are saying. 

My current interest is in what happens when people refuse to have kids? This phenomenon is already happening to some extent. For various reasons : I don't think I'll be a good parent. I am too focussed on my career to take care of a kid. I don't really like kids. I'm not good at marriage and I don't want to be single parent. And so, me, coming from a small metro city in a still developing country, know personally, people who say the above things. So, this is a real thing. At some point more people will say the above things and less people will be willing to have children than the ones who don't want kids. 

Countries and politics can induce people into having kids by giving freebies (Child allowance), more time off work for parenting, etc - like several European countries do. But still, people are just not willing to have children or most have one child and so politicians are encouraging skilled immigrants. As people see that having no kids or fewer kids is rewarding, more and more will opt for that lifestyle. Then what? What will happen to a small country when there are hardly any people now and will have none in the future. This is not likely to happen in my lifetime. But this is a scenario that may play out in the next few centuries. (Provided we are not hit by a massive meteor, huge tsunami doesn't drown half the world, etc etc. 

If everyone has just one kid or less, then what happens? The world population goes into a gradual decline like China's policy affected their demographic spread. More people would be older and less would be of working age. Then eventually as population dwindled further and further, cities and towns would get abandoned as governments would work to concentrate the resources better to provide for those cities that were still occupied. Like there are more unmarried men available compared to unmarried women in China and India, there might be sex ratio issues in the reverse. 

So clearly this one kid per every two people is not really a good idea. This replacement ratio seems to work better. But it would mean that population would remain the same as it is currently : Every two people have 2.1 kids  (That 0.1 is to account for those who die off before reaching reproduction age) . And the population that is currently on earth is 8billion odd. (Happy world population day btw). That does not seem like the right number. There is rampant poverty in a lot of places. There is malnutrition. Lack of access to healthcare. So that is not the right amount to people this earth can support. Then what is?

Nope, there is no magic number. But whatever it is that scientists and experts postulate is far lesser than 8 billion for sure. Some say 5 Billion. Some say 2 Billion. Some propose a range : Between 500 Million - 5 Billion. And so we are back to Thanos :-) Clearly this earth is overpopulated. So this population reduction policy that India is following "We two ours two", while not ideal, is the best we have got. So I say we stick to it. The problem comes when every country is trying their own population control or are implementing a population growth policy at very different times. 

By the way - Nigeria's the new China and India. Their population is set to grow very fast in the next few decades. So clearly my dire predictions of abandoned cities will not come to pass soon. We and China can always invite people from countries which have too many people to come and populate our dying cities and towns in a couple of 100 years, eh? 

How to be successful at marriage :-)

 Now that I have been married for almost 10 years, and my spouse and I have not murdered each other (yet :-) I feel experienced enough to turn into the agony aunt that we all love to hate. You know, the one who gives unsolicited advice whenever you meet ? (Oh Jeez, Can I not enjoy my coffee in peace before it cools down ?) The one you nod at with the same expression on your face for 10 minutes and hope she goes away? Yup, that's me now.

Now, the title of this piece could easily be " How to be successful at anything" but then it would become like a Dale Carnegie Book. 

1. Remember only the good things in your marriage and keep at it . Really - that's about it. First and last piece of advice. 

For those who need elaboration - here goes : Every aspect of our lives come with the good and the bad experiences and hence memories. Our jobs. Our studies. Our families. Our spouses. The only way to be successful at anything is keeping at it. And to consciously remember only the good things and not linger on the bad ones. Because when we keep bringing up and remembering the bad aspects of anything, we turn bitter, we lose the enthusiasm for the good parts, we get depressed and slowly turn towards ending the aspect- maybe job or the marriage or the course you are are studying. Then what? Finding the perfect job and perfect spouse can be a never ending search and is that really an effective use of our time instead of investing in the bird in our hand ? So, remember only the good parts, and live through the bad parts and immediately forget them. And be kind - to yourself and others. For, surely you aren't perfect at everything- and I'm sure you're a pain in some parts of your life and people have to put up with you just as they have to put up with me. 

But this is an ongoing process. This need to make yourself forget the bad experiences that come with married life. In the olden days, middle class women had a very different attitude to marriage- they were made dependant on the institution - Coz -not able to generate money for food is a big dinger. (Because mostly they were not employable because they were not educated.  Not to mention, that most middle class life across the world had women as only home makers because society was more unforgiving in those days for those who went against norms.)

 These days we have freedom  of choice about our education and career and it hardly inures us to hardships - because we don't face big hardships in our early years and marriage forces us- women and men equally but in different ways- into making space for someone else's wants and needs and the hardest aspect is to make space for the wants and needs of our spouses's families - in India at least where women are trained and groomed to leave their parents and go and live elsewhere with their husband's families, make career choices within constraints imposed by others - even if they don't want to.  When we begin to do things in our lives that we don't really want to  - in the interests of having a traditional family and raising children - it really jars with our individual needs, doesn't it?

 This unpleasantness is a part of grown up life and it chafes us - some more than others. So, the people and women in particular that succeed in a marriage are the ones who can look at the larger picture and put up with the small nuisances with good cheer. (Disclaimer - I'm not talking about putting up with wife beaters. I'm merely talking about putting up with your run of the mill, middle-class Indian Kumar and his family in the interest of the larger picture. Indian Kumar may not be so bad, he can even be Prince Charming on occasion:-)

Now for those who scoff and say I don't need to have a traditional family, or I don't need to have kids or I don't need a spouse's support even if I do want to raise kids, well kudos to you.  (Some recent studies show that the happiest people on the planet are women who are unmarried and have no kids - by choice. Here's a link if you want to know more : https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert ) If you are one of the above, then this particular blog article is clearly not meant for you. This is meant for the countless women and men who struggle daily with the idea of - Why should I put up with this shit? Because in India - while the rate is still low compared to global divorce rates (1.1% is India's divorce rate) the rate has actually doubled between 2000-2020 - here is a link about that if you want to know more -  https://www.livemint.com/news/india/non-marriage-very-rare-in-india-but-divorces-doubled-in-past-two-decades-report-1561486297890.html) and this question looms large : Why should I put up with all these choices that I haven't really made for myself?

Because the larger picture maybe worth it. And it's for you to decide if you want to make your marriage succeed , or if it is too horrible to live in and it's better to cut your losses and run now. Because the line each of us draws in the sand is different. I can put up with this much and no further. So, find your line. Sometimes you may be willing to re-draw it (if you have a supportive spouse) and sometimes not. And I will leave you again with what I started with: 

Remember only the good parts and try to live through and then forget the bad parts. Else every marriage we attempt will end in failure. 

The controversy of Religion and the controversy of Race- I

I am a Hindu by birth. What does that mean? I pray to certain gods and perform certain rituals? Certainly. But while these gods are prayed to by many Hindus, the rituals I perform are informed by my geography and the social and cultural groups that I was born into. 

Simply : For Eg: Varalakshmi Pooja in Tamil Nadu is celebrated by certain castes (Praying for their husband's longevity to Goddess Lakshmi) while my family does not. Kaaradaiyan Nonbu, is a similar festival (praying for husband's longevity to Goddess Gowri/Parvathi) that my family observes. I haven't heard of the practise of fasting for Kaaradaiyan Nonbu by other caste groups. North India (some parts) observe the Karva Chauth fast for a similar purpose. People in the East may observe/perform a ritual and fast for the same purpose as well. All are celebrated on different days of the year. 

We Hindus are an amalgam of many practises and various rituals. The South Indians have embraced gods from the north and North Indians have taken up gods from the South. There will of course be controversy when you talk about invading people (Aryans) and how South Indians should not accept their gods. The Aryan Invasion Theory is being hotly debated everyday with new genome studies of various population groups. (By the Way : Can we comfortably identify solely as descended from one group in this day and age? Are we claiming that our genetic pool is solely from Ancestral South Indians? There is no ancestor from the east? No ancestor from the North? Are we claiming that our ancestors who arrived in India "out of Africa " about 65000-50000 years ago did not intermingle with anyone else? ) There are people talking about the Tamil God Seyyon has been metamorphosed into Murugan/Karthikeyan the son of Shiva on many online platforms. Talking about Shiva - some are claiming that the God from the Himalayas  is just one Shiva - and his form has taken over the identity of the local worship of the "Linga", which means so many things in so many places that even the wikipedia entry for it is confusing. 

Now, coming to the recent controversy that began when one movie director said that - The Chola King Rajaraja I (originally named : Arulmozhi Varman) wasn't Hindu, he was talking about politics and the current saffronisation or maybe Hindutva-sation of Tamil historical figures. (He was a Saivaite obviously given that he spent vast amount of resources on building the biggest Shiva Temple in TN and during his time many Shiva Temples were stone -worked over from bricks and hence making them long lasting.) But the controversy evolved super fast from history - Was Rajaraja Hindu? into one of current religion- primarily - one of - "Are we Hindus?" in Tamil Nadu. Then further into : "Who are Hindus?" 

I have heard so many discussions about this : for in every house , every street-corner tea-shop, this topic has raged in various intensities. And the conclusions are many. But most people agree on a few things: 

1. There was no "Hindu" religion before the advent of the Britishers. "Hindustan" or "Indoostan" was a term in common use to denote the people who lived south the Indus River. "Hindu" was a convenient common name to give to people who lived south of the Himalayas for the Britishers who were in colonial consolidation mode and they did it to make life easy for themselves - for administering this widely varied people they found - in the peninsula south of the Indus. 

2. Many agree that the people who live in "Modern India" as we know it now and identify as Hindu, have a largely common way of life. ( Which by the way also has space for the "non-believers". That is, those who self-identify as atheists have always been a part of our culture, because as many elder people keep telling me - Hinduism is not really a religion, it is a way of life, Hindu Dharma has space for the atheists too.)

3. People remember reading in their history books the primary religions that make up Hinduism. They are now called the primary "sects" of Hinduism.  1. Saivaites ( Shiva), 2, Vaishnavaites(Vishnu), 3. Shaktism (Shakti - various forms of the Goddess) 4. Gaumaram (Karthikeya/Murugan worship) 5. Ganapathyam (Ganesh worship) .....there are many isms- for people who worship as their primary god : Surya, Indra, Varuna etc....And there is the Smartha tradition ....and the various aithas came: dwaithas, advaitha, vishishwadwaitha....basically, different ways to reach God, surrender to God, or claim that we are the gods? ...or whatever....I have a long way to go before I begin to truly understand what those 8th, 9th and10th century philosophers were preaching.

What all these arguments and discussions have brought back for me, along with a dose of regional/language pride (I blame the movie PS-I for all this btw, and Mani Rathnam) is the question of : 1. What does my race (Primarily ASI) say about my religion? 2. Am I praying to the right Gods? (Who are the Right Gods btw? :-) 3. If Ram, Krishna and even Shiva are imports from Gangetic Plains, then who were the local gods then, let us say 2000 years ago ? (See, the whole village deity doesn't compute in these days of city living. Where will my local guardian deity be if I live in Bangalore? In Hebbal? or Whitefield? or Adugodi? lol) 4. Am I supposed to be praying to the pre-north infusion/consolidated version of Murugan/Karthikeya - that is: Seyyon? If he is the warrior God - and my modern life has no part of war - will my petty non-war concerns even matter to him? 

(I keep coming back to Muruga/Karthikeya - because though I belong to caste that claims to be Saivaite - in every relative's home I have been to , the picture/idol of Murugan is the centrepiece/biggest. Is this a Tamil thing? Or that my ancestors have been following both Saivism and Gowmaaram? Then I wonder if when the cult of Saivism took over large tracts of population, it was convenient to hook the Tamils by claiming that Shiva was the father of Murugan? Also note, there is a discrepancy between the order of children Shiva has between the north and south. Here we say that Ganesha was the older one, but in the north it is the other way around.  Also, note that most modern Indians, based on just the north-south discrepancy- over years come to some sort of understanding that Hinduism is a amalgamated religion model and hence it fundamentally differs from the Single God with prophet/prophets religion model. One, there is choice of gods (pick who you want and pray) and choice in worship form that is denied to those who believe in a monotheistic religion. Two, space for the agnostics and atheists that is not available in monotheistic religions. Three- clearly less space for fanaticism as one person/entity cannot claim to know God's Plan and dictate agenda for the believers based on religion. 

In any case, this whole controversy has given rise to one thing - people are reading more, asking more questions about their past, debating history and who wrote it and with what agendas and about the evolution of this wonderful thing called Hinduism- be it religion, dharma or way-of-life.

 

The long life of the Mask

 So, we have been masking up for nearly a year now. And it has made a difference for a lot of people. Forget about the corona virus, the flu season went by without being noticed due to this new mask wearing habit we have been saddled with. Every year, like clock work, between the months of November and  February, I would be afflicted with at least two bouts of the cold-cough-sore throat symptoms and maybe with a bout of fever as well. My eldest who has reactive airway issues, would get have a runny nose all day and a stuffy one all night and we could all forget our sleep. But this year, she hasn't gotten an episode. Not a single one. 

But, as the data already suggests, people are not being as mask compliant now as they were in the beginning of the un-lockdowns. (Whoever came up with that should be beaten. That is unwieldy. Lockdown made sense. But shouldn't someone in Delhi have put in more of an effort to come up with something better than un-lockdown?) When I drive to rural centres in Karnataka ( work-related day trips), I can see very well that the people there don't wear masks at all. Blame the open country-side and the absence of crowded, unventilated, air-conditioned spaces and maybe the effect of cohabiting with farm animals, the people living in villages seem hardier than us city folks when it comes to disease resistance. So, they never wore masks to begin with, shrugging off Covid-19 like a mild pest that affects only city dwellers. 

Not to mention, we as a species communicate more with our expressions and body language than our words. So if the mask covers up 2/3rds of our face- how effectively are we communicating? Also, we have a need to see the faces of the people we love. So, is long term mask-compliance even possible? Also, we are social animals. The ingenious outdoor birthday parties in my apartment complex shows me how much the aunties miss their get-togethers. ( I doubt the kids are the driving force behind these parties. It is the mothers who organise these shindigs and fathers are a complete no-show. ) I miss meeting my family face to face, and I feel that most people feel the same. (There are exceptions to every rule. I'm sure someone is rolling their eyes at this and saying good riddance to their relatives using Covid-19 as the happy excuse to miss any and all gatherings. 

So, when can we safely say goodbye to the mask, I keep wondering. A year? Two? Arrggghhhh......