The life and times of a Chennai single

Lover to Kept Woman/Man to Whore/Man ho ?

2011-08-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

In this day of liberalised love and subjective morality, I wonder where one draws the line between right and wrong. I am not talking about absolute wrongs like murder, theft and destroying public property, but when is sleeping with a person right and when is it wrong?

A section of my generation thinks that love and sex can be kept separate. I am talking about girls' ideas about love and sex here, because traditionally men have never seemed to have a problem with keeping wives and mistresses a plenty ( when they had the money) or visiting whores (when they didn't). There are far more historical figures of men with many lovers/wives/concubines/harems than women with similar number of lovers/gigolos/husbands/ etc. (All of the male gods in Hinduism - except Ram. Even if you argue that our epics are not real, but embellished stories, there are kings and nawabs with all number of wives and concubines - Ashoka to Akbhar to Shahjehan(3 wives inspite of his TajMahal sized love for one), world-wide there was Solomon, Henry VIII, Charles II( too many mistresses to count) to Mark Antony(not a king when he took all those extra wives and mistresses) and an ex-chief minister of TN who will remain nameless, and these are just people we know of, because these men's lives were famous. But there are not half as many women who led lives where they had harems of pretty young men to service their needs. But, today the case is that women are far more liberal about expressing their need for sex and getting it too. So now, there is even more confusion about the morality of modern day liaisons.

(Note: The word lover here does not indicate one who is in love. Dictionary meaning of lover : a. A paramour. b. A sexual partner. Not using the desi meaning of the word 'lover')

Anyway, coming back to the point, most people I know and interact with on a daily basis think it is okay for any two consenting adults to indulge in hanky-panky. The story I want to relate is probably many a youngster's story. ASX(Girl) met AMK(boy) during a graduate program in Bangalore. Now, AMK has RK - girlfriend- in living and working in Mumbai. Over the course of their study ASX and AMK became lovers. Now, ASX knew about RK, the girl waiting back in Mumbai for her boyfriend to come back to her, which he did. Now, where does that leave ASX? Moving on with her life, but while he was her lover, what was she to him? Lover? Or Mistress? Do not get me wrong. I know stories where it was the girl who was supposed to be in a committed relationship, but slept with another guy on the side. So the in-between fling boy - was he just a gigolo who came free of charge?

When two free consenting adults come together for sex, people think there is nothing wrong with it. But, it is for the sad souls out there who think - " aah its just sex - so what is he/she is committed elsewhere ?" that this goes out to.

Do not be a mistress or a gigolo! Nothing good ever comes of that.

If it is just sex you are looking for there are other non committed people you can find. If you want a relationship, then that person looking to cheat on his/her boyfriend or girlfriend with you is not the one you want to be in a relationship with, because he/she will go back to their partners once they get bored or whatever it is they were looking to fulfill that their partners were not fulfilling, they will decide to go without it, as they had been, before you came along. If they think you are their "true love" they would have broken off with their partners to be your partner the moment they knew that you are way more suited to them, than their boyfriend/girlfriend.

It is whole different can of worms when both people indulging in an affair are committed elsewhere. Even worse when they are married people. Where is the morality? What is right and what is wrong? From lover to mistress/kept man to what next ? Whore/Man-ho?

That animal called the PJ party

2011-07-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

I was in a houseful of drunk girls at a pj party yesterday. Now its all coming back, now that the hazy film over the conversations that had happened is dissolving. Obviously, there was way too much sex talk. Boys reading this will probably snicker to themselves, and imagine girls drooling about their glorious manliness. But the sad fact is that it was mostly girls moaning about the sad lack of expertise among the males in their lives and their general selfishness in bed. Methinks there was some point to the cosmo cover stories after all.

So, why are men selfish in bed? Is it something to do with genetics? Can't they be pleasure givers and be receivers? So, yeah it takes longer for a female to reach the big O. But patience is a virtue that pays rich dividends, or so say old proverbs something to that effect. If the girlfriend/wife/lover is satisfied, she is going to try harder to please the guy in return. If she is not, then obviously her interest in sex is going to vane so fast that the man would be bedding a cold fish much sooner than he can say menopasue.

So, coming back to the party, it takes all types, doesnt it? The party ended in much good spirits for most concerned. Certain events came to light much later during the next day, that is, today. That there are small little girls who want be handled by kid gloves by anyone they come in contact with. And if the 'person' doesn't know this, and lo behold, small little girl's big protector boyfriend will immediately rush to her defence. The boyfriend in question will call up said 'person' and mouth threats. I mean, where do these kids come from ? Oh wait, I know. Small towns, and hence small minds. Throw in a little hypocrisy, that everyone should have thick hides, but they will not. Any insults they throw are justified, but they can't take even the slightest jokes against them with a pinch of salt. The fact that I have to rant about this annoys me to no end. Urgh.

Meanwhile, another 'good' girl confessed into another's ear, under the effect of alcohol that sex was good. Ask her if what she said was true. own upto her statement under the cold harsh light of day, and you have committed sacrilege. All this hiding and secretiveness, and 'morality for show' makes me want to hurl. I want to go back into an environment, where it is okay to be oneself. Where it is okay to be lusty or prudish, loud or quiet, frank or reticent, friendly or unfriendly without fear of offending some little miss or kindergarden boy. Speaking of hurling, three girls did that too. But it was in the safe confines of the bathroom, thankfully.

The things I learnt over the summer

2011-06-24T00:56:00.000-07:00

Summer is over, and back in Pune, it's already the monsoon season. And when it is not drizzling, the breeze is cool, and it was a jolt when I arrived here after being in Chennai for three months where the summer is still going strong. Of course, in Chennai, we don't really have any other season. It's summer all year round. (Discounting the two measly months of December and January, where it might not be as hot.)

In Pune though, the current weather is perfect for staying in bed all day, drifting in and out of sleep, and lamenting the fact that classes will start in a day or two, and that nine a.m arrives too soon in the day.

So, enjoying the lazing around, amongst other things I was thinking about what is it that I have learnt over the summer, from both my experience and from people around me.

1. Indians who go to the US on short holidays totally miss the point of what that country is all about. The good and the bad.

2. Girls who are torn between two men and their love, and have a pathological need for drama, have to have the choice made for them. If not, it will be a love triangle for all their lives, which might be fine if not for the small fact of three sets of parents and siblings whose lives are kind of screwed. So, one needs to send such girls to therapists.

3. Human males who have pounding headaches should not attempt to have sex.

4. Management school teachers who use the non-word 'learnings' with a 's' at the end should be sent to elementary school again.

5. Ethics are a thing of the past as far as corporate hospitals are concerned. In the run for profits, the line between right and wrong has never been this blurry, ever.

6. Nieces and nephews, those cuddly things with bright, inquisitive gazes are enough to reaffirm anybody's faith in humanity.

7. The way to keep parents happy is saying 'yes' to most of their demands, and knowing when to keep one's mouth shut, and living in a place far enough away that they cannot jump into a train to see one, without disrupting very many peoples' schedules.

8. One should not walk into a ladies restroom in a club known for its homosexual clientile in Chennai or by extension, any other city, without knocking, or preferably, pounding on the door, unless one wishes to see lesbian porn between a female from one's own group and a strange girl. I guess this applies for the men's restroom too.

9. One needs to be very careful with what one tells one's match-making friends, else they will ask for one's horoscope to send to one of their friend's parents.

10. Mangoes, for all their yummy-ness are loaded with calories. Well, I knew this already. Now, I know it even better.

Demo - crazy?

2011-05-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

So, the AIADMK has won a clear majority in the TN Assembly elections. As an ex-newsreader at Jaya TV, I must admit I am pleased. No more speeches about the 'minority DMK government' and its monstrosities that go on for pages and pages on the teleprompter, that has made even the most loyal party man/woman groan in boredom.

But more importantly, I am pleased because the big family has been doing some major levels of damage all over, sucking the country dry of currency. 2G being just one atrocity in a huge bale of hay. I mean, see the obvious, most visible industry of all. The three movie production houses, two of which were not even formed five years ago, raking in crores, because distributors were scared shit less to say no to the prices demanded, and when they did out of self preservation, then another arm of the family itself started distributing the substandard entertainment they were putting out, transferring the burden of debt and suicidal thoughts one step down the ladder, to theatre owners.

Threatening a rich a-list actor who stubbornly keeps away from award functions and making him attend one to prove political might? Seriously? What were they thinking? When the actor proved that he had a spine and spoke about it to a live audience, immediately, using plausible deniability, they were saying 'we had no clue that people were using our names to make you come here', and 'We will look into this disaster, accept our apologies' to save face.

Highways are nasty all over the state. Emergency response for accidents are a joke here. Public schools have no standards to measurement, and the teachers there are apathetic to their students' needs, the list is endless in all spheres under governance. But, one hears things about how big the house of a certain Chennai based MP is. He has gates from his property directly opening into four important lanes in the Adyar boat club area. His house takes up an entire block in other words. Phone lines- BSNL phone lines routed, numerous lines, to his house, and were used for the office purposes of the family's television channel.

Everyone wonders why a minister, unconnected to the family was allowed to make off with lakhs of crores? Think again. The said minister and one female family member were supposed to have been lovers. Whether that rumour is true or not (It is big secret- which is that everyone in TN suspects it- no publication will say anything other than hint around it), it begs several question - why would a non-family member be allowed to take a huge chunk of the spoils? What do they have on him that they know he will not betray them? and If there was such a big loss to the government - how can it ever be recovered? And what kind of internal family politics has led to the female being made the 'fall woman" when clearly if there were to have been benefits from the scam, it would all have been shared in proportion?

So, coming back to Amma, clearly, no matter what AIADMK says, it was a case of voting out the DMK than the need to bring any one specific party in. But,if people had voted randomly to promising independents or small parties with clearer agendas, they know what will happen. If the opposition party had not been voted in with a majority, the DMK would have found ways to bring in all the victorious independents, and the small small parties to its side, with money or threats (Just thinking of the Madurai arm of the party makes people quake int heir boots), and formed the government again. So, the need to elect AIADMK with a clear idea to kick out the reigning party.

What will happen in the next five years, I wonder. Clearly, there will be corruption. But how much and how obvious will it be? Bad enough to vote the DMK back in? Or will Amma keep a lid on how much her ministers and MLAs are looting? Will fulfilling all their election promises within a year and a half- as she has promised be enough to keep the people in line for the remaining three and a half years? ( Many people, on hearing this 1.5 year promise hoot with laughter. Because the state treasury is supposed to be empty. Since it was emptied by the DMK for unnecessary park building, new assembly building constructions- with expensive fake and real roofs, while the old one is perfectly functional and a historical landmark to boot, lining the pockets, building fancy libraries, instead of reinforcing infrastructure of existing libraries. Anyway, since the treasury is very low on resources -Amma will be going to visit Mr. Pranab shortly is what I predict. Just watch.)

Anyway - If the public remembers- they usually don't - in 2016- will the vote be in DMK's favour? Or will they vote in the DMDK - Vijaykanth's party- because the AIADMK is going to do exactly what the DMK did and earn ill-will in the next five years? Will Vijaykanth, with all his newbie-ness in politics, be seduced by the crores of public money he can take for himself, or try to be true to his hero image - of goodness, moral uprightness and all things incorruptible? Time will tell. It is going to be interesting to watch in any case what the next five years will bring.

But - Does any one politician care for the welfare of the state? Will there ever be a person with nothing but development of the state in mind? Someone who started like Chandrababu Naidu in Hyderabad, but also maintained steam till the end and distributed his/her efforts all over the state instead of just the cities? I wonder, I wonder.

Accepting what is...

2011-02-06T04:36:00.001-08:00

People just don't want to think logically. And people don't want a peaceful existence. Seriously, all I have seen is that people love drama. Okay, this is not true of all people. Mostly, I am talking about young people. And, yeah, they are into pity-parties big time as well.

I am around a lot of kids in their early twenties from non-tier-I cities. These are just out of the clutches of their family-social-settings. And ideally should be beginning to think before they leap. Think before falling in 'lurveeee'. Or just think. Period.

Guys and girls fall in love. This is natural, or so I have been told. Sometimes it so happens, that the person you love doesn't love you back, or doesn't love you back enough. If it is the latter, then please go and see He's just not that into you. If you are a guy, that doesn't matter, the point still applies. A girl might be into you, just not enough. (Guy or girl, kindly ignore the filmy ending. The film defeats its purpose by doing an about turn at the end. Just like Love Aaj Kal. )

If it is the former, where you are majorly into someone, and they are not, then I have news for you. It is not their fault. Stop abusing them, their fathers, mothers and their ancestors. Not their faults either. Put yourself in their shoes. If someone is majorly into you, and you just don't fancy them, is it your fault that you cannot reciprocate their feelings? Then why is it his/her fault when He/She doesn't like you? It just means that He/She cannot see you the way you would like them to see you. What you perceive as chemistry, might not be, in their eyes. You think you have a lot of common interests but, may be they are looking for something else. You think you are awesome, they don't. As simple as that.

That is how things are. Accepting how things are is a big step in growing up. ( I think I saw a self help book somewhere with the title, Accepting what is. That is what spurred this rant in the first place. Plus I have a younger friend who is deeply in depression about a girl who is not interested).
I have been there, all angst-y, and cursing and being childish in my early twenties, when my ardour was not returned, and put it in devdas terms, ' I had a couple of lurvveee failures' and moped about for weeks, even months.

Then I started thinking, when my moping lessened, I actually started thinking. Back to the time when boys 'proposed' to girls in school yards with roses and greeting cards on valentine's day. I have returned roses and cards, when accepting a card meant returning/or accepting the 'lurrveee'. I just didn't see myself with those guys. I grew up a little. The scenario changed. It was college campus, and it was a little different. I have turned down 'lets have a coffee' if I knew the guy wanted more than casual friendship and I did not.

And over the years, after dating a few guys, it was turning down invitations to dinner. With some guys, it was turning down one-night-stands. With some it was visiting their mother. (That was downright scary!)

After being the rejected one, and some realisations about the equations between people, I was much nicer about refusing/rather, saying, Thanks, but no thanks, instead of being harsh/curt.

The realisation that people who reject us are not all that bad took time in coming. I would like to spread this wisdom :-), but have no forum. See, because young people do not want to hear all this wise crap. I certainly did not when people a few years older and wiser told me to take any rejection with a pinch of salt and not give it undue importance.

All I want to ask the kids of these days is : How is it that when we are the reject-er we are fault free, but when we are rejected the opposite party is a villain?

An idea is like a virus

2011-01-09T03:14:00.000-08:00

I saw Inception again. What mastery over the media form could Chris Nolan have needed to spin such a twisted tale! A movie that keeps the action going non-stop while making you think with every line of dialogue spoken. There are action movies, wham-bham every frame, but the premise is kept simple (Think Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson etc etc) so the audience can focus on the movement on the screen and enjoy it. And there are movies that make you think, take on a philosophical analysis after the last frame has flashed past. (Think really crazy film maker - who's name you never bothered finding out, but that strange movie that you came across accidentally, but was so evocative and is the first movie you think of when someone asks which was your all time favourite movie.)

But this movie combines both with such expertise, that from the very moment you begin to grasp what is happening, when the chinese guy's house starts collapsing and they show a sleeping Arthur while he is actually standing right next to Sato, the idea that this movie is about dreams, and manipulating people while they were sleeping, and stealing within dreams, and epsionage and has twist within twist takes root, and you willingly begin to suspend disbelief and sit up. And when the last frame is still running, and you are waiting with bated breath to see if the totem will topple, hoping that it will topple, and that the reality that Cobb thinks is reality is indeed reality as we know it, or perceive it, is so strong, that you want the director to give the principal character the ending that you would want for yourself, you actually want to find Chris Nolan and throttle him for leaving the movie the way he did it.

Then a few days later, or a few minutes later (depending on how fast your brain processes rational thought and emotions, your own and others', of course), you realise that of course that was the point that Nolan was trying to make. What if this world we live in is real, or what if it isnt? Are we real? The world and us, living things here and everything we have made, are real only as far as we perceive it to be. It doesn't matter one way or the other in the larger scheme of things. Assuming that there is a larger scheme, that is, and we can perceive it, but then, that doesn't matter too.

It is all going around in circles and now doesn't make sense to me either :D

Attention Uncles : Simple girls don't exist!

2010-12-11T01:35:00.000-08:00

I am an expert on matrimonial ads. Seen a plenty of them to satisfy my folks into quietude. That I found fault with most of them is not the issue. The point is that I have scanned a lot, and I mean, a LOT of them. And I see in the space for 'partner preferences' or whatever there is always this phrase - 'simple girl' and this is an oxymoron. (Unless the girl is mentally challenged from birth, there is no way she is a simpleton.)

And I just don't understand this insistence on wanting a simple girl. Because no girl is simple. The wanna-be mother-in-law knows that. She wasn't simple. How does she expect her daughter-in-law to be? Maybe the idea is to let the impression stay with her husband, even after thirty years of marriage. I don't know.

We are born devious. If not, we learn to be devious. Every girl becomes a manipulator at some point. Do not let looks fool you. The cute ones, the ugly ones, ones that look like innocence personified, even the stupidest ones of my sex is wily in a way that men cannot imagine. (Well, a few, who have been blessed, learn to see through this. Even fewer are wily enough to predict and block these kind of manoeuvrings.) See, we are not physically strong and cannot get things done through force in a world where half the population is biologically designed to be stronger than us. We can deal straight with the men that can be dealt with straight. (By which I mean intelligent men.) This is plan B. This is our way of getting things done. Do not blame us. It is our solution to the blow that biology dealt us. If a woman chooses not be wily and manipulative, then there is usually a compelling reason. (Usually ideals like love and respect are tossed around. Or that they are investing in a long term relationship, and manipulating is something that always comes back to bite us later, and we know it.)

So, by the term "simple girl" people in my community mean a girl who does not do underhand things like sub-textual nudging, diverting thought flow in the other party, out and out manipulation etc etc. I asked a few people (extended aunties and uncles). Also uncles were more vociferous in defending their demanding a 'simple girl'. Probably they understand on some level that they are the puppets and their wives are the masters. One uncle actually said, "We don't want troubles that smart girls give. Making our sons get radical ideas, and sowing dissension in the larger family". I was laughing in my head.

I give you an example to show that 'Simple girls' do not exist. This incident happened a while ago. There is a twenty year old in my group, we shall call her KS. Fair, thin, demure, girly-pretty in a way that make guys drool and think of introducing the girl to their mommies. She has the requisite IQ points. Not book wise, but sharp enough in the general sense of the word. She looks like the epitome of a simpleton.

I like her well enough. But see, even within girls, seeing through the outer manifestation is a little hard. A bunch of us went to see a movie. Let me explain the existing scenario. There is a guy who fancied me (JS). And KS fancied him, which I did not know was specific fancy-ing. Sure, there had been discussions on who was good looking and all. Cannot avoid this. It is inevitable in any newly formed group.

So, we file into the theatre, it is dark already, and previews are running. Two guys were in front of me, and they entered the row first. KS was next and then me and JS had manoeuvred himself to enter the row of seats behind me, which had registered with both of us. So while I am thinking, 'Do I want to sit next to the dude and give him ideas?" KS has gone and seated herself leaving a seat between the first two fellows and herself, and tells me in a hyper voice, "Hey, I saved you a seat!" making it a logical for me to sit on one side of her, while JS sits on the other. Three more of our group filed in after him.

I, usually aware of what is going on , sub text and context wise- was taken aback. It was a simple enough move of making me sit away from the chap and letting her sit next to him in one shot. The fact was, it was so skillfully done. By KS, who looks like ice -cream wouldn't melt in her mouth, and glows with a kind of childish- naivety and joy, it is hard to credit her with underhand tactics.

I was pissed. Because I do not like having decisions taken out of my hand, even if I would have decided the same thing. She was and still is welcome to him. But, the incident only served to reinforce the idea. NO such thing as a simple girl. Women are not simpletons. While they might let people think so, because it suits their purposes, they know it under all those layers of self-delusion.

The dubitable joys of alcohol - A presentation

2010-12-11T00:26:00.000-08:00

'The Joys of alcohol' is the tentative title that my group members have come up with, for a presentation in a communication process class. ( I am only concerned because there is chunk of marks alloted for this in our term final. This is the kind of thing ones does for twelfth class General studies paper. While my classmates are only 3 years past this kind of thing, imagine my weariness. It has been ten years since I have had to do such pointless exercises. I am not questioning the use of standing in front of a bunch of unwilling listeners and trying to get over your stage fear. But I've done it enough. The majority of the class can talk/communicate failry well in a public speaking/corporate presentation scenario. It is the slow ones that have still not managed to learn the skill and they are the lowest denominator and for whom this class is designed. But we know who sets the speed in the army right? It is not the cavalry. It is the infantry.)

Forget the rise in onion price, the sad state of gender inequality, the naxal issue in the central and eastern states, oh no, we are doing a presentation on the questionable joys of alcohol. And I'm swamped with the intended editing/writing/readin and studying that I have to do, that I do not have the time to research any topic worth presenting to the class. The fact that practically no one wants to spend ATP in their grey cells to even consider a new subject that might be interesting could also be a reason.

Meanwhile, I have a maid who comes home and insists on conducting long conversations with me in Marathi and Hindi, while I nod diligently with differeing levels of incomprehension. She insists on bathing even vegetable dishes in fat, that everytime I see the food I imagine a blocked cardiac vessel in my future. Back to her chattering, each day she talks about what is bothering her the most. Sometimes it is her husband's cardiac troubles (Duh! Its the oil you are so liberal with. Didn't anyone tell you that cholesterol comes from that? I tried telling her to practise stinginess with oil at her place like we instruct her to cook here. She says the food tastes good only with lots of oil!), sometimes about how the kids in her area once past the age of fifteen, sixteen become loafers, imitating the youth in the neighbourhood, and stop going to school and roam aorund drinking, smoking - both weed and tobacco, sniffing - whitener, turpentine, etc etc. At times it is about how her two co-sisters (women who had married brothers) talk about the other behind their backs to out maid and how it annoys her. There is a lot of gesturing and acting to get her meaning across, with me mumbling the few phrases I know in Hindi. So yes, I have become a quasi therapist listening to her woes. If only there was some money in it for me! 'sigh'.

One week Later : Since the group decided they did not want to look like they were promoting the drinking of alcohol, the topic was changed to "Alcohol - Not just a Drink", but it was preceisely the drinking the presentation mostly talked about. :D

Of all the lame presentations that were done for the comm. process class, I am glad to report that ours wasn't the worst. Topics ranged from mundane ones like Financial Planning (which was very informative I should add, even if most students snoozed durign this one, because of the pedantic style it was presented in ), Cyber crime, Tata Steel Company (I mean what were they thinking? Take the ppt. straight out of the company's website? It was like a propaganda/cavassing talk to potential investors. Not that anyone bought it), Homosexuality and stigma( This wasnt actually bad, content wise. Except for a lot of twittering from the immature male section of the class, where the homophobes are the maximum, percentage-wise, and whom the presentaion was aimed at, in the first place and obviously didn't get through), addiction ( This was focussed on letting go of tobacco, because three members from that group are smokers. Did the research for the presentation actually help them? Or was the sincere asking of all addicts to seek help, a way of ridding themselves of guilt about their addiction? No one knows) The best was a presentation on Black holes and time travel. That was actually fun as it left the realm of boring facts and explored the imaginary in a fun way with videos and animation. Or maybe I'm just a geek.

Fair and?

2010-10-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

It is hard being a girl in this day and age. I tell you, our mothers did not have this kind of pressure. At least in South India of the 70's and 80's when my mother was roaming about breaking young men's hearts (Not that I am, mind you. Am too old to do that, I like to tell myself, and stifle the vanity before it can assert itself and say that I could if i wanted to. In conclusion, I am not breaking any young guy's heart. At least, not intentionally.), she did not spend a fortune on moisturisers, or deodorants or conditioners. All she knew was red lipstick and perfume, and that too, only for important occasions. They did have one major expense, I must concede. Talcum powder, which was a big deal those days. Lily of the valley, I think was the fancy face powder they used, and kajal, for drawing out the length of their eyes (Hema malini and other actresses , of the 'tightly wrapped sari with short pallu' period, come to mind, when I see college pictures of my mother and her friends). But what is one cosmetic item compared to everything that a girl these days has to have on her dresser?

Hair must be straight and shiny( shampoo, conditioner, anti-fritzer, mousse, gel, you name it, and among the 5 girls in my apartment, we would have at least two variants of each product). Arms, legs and all exposed body parts tweezed, shaved, or femmed out. Face moisturised/sun screened/sun blocked, eyebrows neat, eyes highlighted. (In this day and age, you have to look good, or the big nasty happens. A prettier, younger model replaces you. It is funny really, when a seventeen year old uses more products than a twenty five year old.) When does this insecurity start? And how do you deal with it? Or worse, make sure your own daughter in the future does not fall prey to this ultimate self doubt of "Will I ever look good eneough?"

I recently saw an advert for a soap manufactured by the big bad cancer conglomerate, where, in a medical college, a girl student suddenly discovers that she has a voice, because she started using the beauty soap. A medical student, of all things. Doesnt matter that she is going to be a doctor and save lives, but that she needs a soap to give her opinions about where the class goes for a vacation. "Azhagu namma kaila thaan irukku", goes the tag line. I felt nauseated. Every 'Fair and lovely' advert I had ever seen came to mind. Everything preying on young chicks' insecure psyches. I have an aunt, who has really dark skin, who has been using fair and lovely since I was five. I was five and I knew what it was. And, she looks exactly as she did twenty years ago. Not even a millionth fraction of a shade (That graded paper they give you so lovingly with some of those products to compare with your skin ????Urghhh!) different.

And all those chemicals are really bad for you. And if you are preggers, no, no.

Now, why did I start on this? Do I have a big solution? No, I don't. But I do know that every time I wear eye-liner on a work day, to boost my monday morning blues, or get that particular -stubbornly resisting my charms- guy to notice my eyes, I would stop for a second, and re-asses. I am not saying I would give up smelling nice and fresh, or my smooth hair for a frizzy, uncontrollable mess. But that extra time that goes to figuring out how to look different for the day, could definetly be used for a few more moments of sleep, or finishing up that adrenalin spiking car chase sequence on that Andy McDermot novel, or horror of horrors (as my really cool Theory of Communication professor, who makes for many interesting stories, would say) spent writing home assignments for my Management process teacher (Who probably was a pre-school teacher before she got the misfortune to land at our B-school. Yes, she gives us home-assignments, and checks if we have written them. Every class.)

So, after that rambling, I just want to say that - If you use a lot of chemicals on your face and body on a regular basis. Stop! Think! How much of it do you really need?

For all the experience in the world...

2010-09-16T04:26:00.000-07:00

I have always prided myself on overcoming my (existential, among other things) anxiety and trying new things. Talking to a stranger for no purpose at all, except to just talk. So, some six- to seven years ago, I started doing that. It was first a chick waiting for someone outside Barista. Then, a guy browsing books in Landmark and so on. I can give lessons on how to talk to stangers about nothing at all, and yet not spook them off. (Of course they are wondering if you are hitting on them, or going to ask them for donations, or are an unsubtle lesbian, or a con artist, etc etc, yet how to keep them responding for a reasonable length of time without running away, till you want to let them off.)

Recently we were given an assignement to do just that. My B-school's idea to make would-be-managers get comfortable with uncomfortable situations. See, I'd already been there done that. So, that got me thinking, What are the things that I am uncomfortable with, that are do-able and havent yet done? Many small things, I was sure.

Today, I offered to buy ciggies for a friend, coz I was going out and she wasnt. I'd been brought up in Chennai, where smoking is worse than drinking, so I'd never ever bought cigarettes before. The particular kind she wanted wasnt available in the first three shops I asked. Walking on FC Road, going from one potti kadai (small shop) to another, asking for cigarettes was weird. I was given very disapproving looks from several quarters. It was fun. And here I'd thought that buying condoms would be the weirdest, nope but that isnt half as fun as this. I've made up my mind to go an ask for an i-pill one day, just to see how the chemist looks at me :D

In other news, exams for the first trimester just got over, and classrooms are wearing that deserted look they do when footfalls are absent. Except, we do have classes scheduled, but almost the whole class has gone off searching for their mommies and daddies to their home-towns.( Reason - they are all barely into their twenties, there is even a teen in the population.) As a result, it is a lot of free time to roam around Pune/shop on M.G Road/ while away time - with endless episodes of House M.D and Changeling-Psy books by Nalini Singh. (Yeah, yeah, it is part of the cringeworthy paranormal romance genre, and yes, the romance is cliche'd, I just skip the sex bits (they are the same in book after book, "they made sweet love", where both parties orgasm every time, and mulitple times to boot, seriously? seriously? who are they trying to kid? ) but the plot of the series is interesting for brain-strain-free reading).

On the fun side of things, I'm encouraging someone I shouldnt, not flirting with someone I want to, and pursuing someone who is not exactly right.

More later.

A moment on the lips....

2010-08-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

Eating. Why am I fixated with such a mundane activity, you might ask. But this is not about cooking / baking/ grilling/ braising etc etc that I blog about usually, where the preparation of food takes on a big part of the experience. This is about just eating.

Since Ive become a poor bachelorette (Now why does that word make you think of plastic blondes of reality TV sucking face with/yelling obsceneties at equally or usually more dumb guys? Damn I read too much US weekly!) living on peanuts in Pune, I've been eating. A lot. Dhabelis, paani puris, chocolate toast, samosas, sandwhiches with green / white/ chilly red pastes of dubious origins, rolls, wraps and much more. This is beyond the regular thaali thingies that are lunch staple on most days. Food is cheap, at least this type of food is. And its yummy and alien to my south Indian palate. And so I eat.

Rather I should say I ate, since my waistline started reflecting my gluttony. And by now I have tried every small, big, popular, notorious joint near my college, and thats a lot considering that this location is the student Mecca of Pune. Now that I know where everything is, I can nip down to any place for a fix of any type of food craving I might get. (I have started walking at least one way to college, a good thirty minute walk, so that the misbehaving waist can start listening to what Im saying again :D)

Movies : been watching a lot of those too. At least one a week at the local multiplex. Given that we havent discovered other activities around here, running to the movies seem to be a choice passtime. At these mall/multiplexes, I've been studying the dressing habits of the Punewaalis. Conservative, I'd expected. But girls here show less skin than the ones in Chennai, and man are those ppl conservative! (See, one might argue that the girls in the areas Im talking about are all student influx population from the cow-belt, but still, here, far away from home, no parental supervision!) You'd think, given the proximity to Bombay, the chicks here would be a little more 'couldnt care less about what others think of me'. But, nope. Girls here would win my nosy orthodox aunt's approval sooner than she'd spot them.

About their attitudes and mores. I dont even want to get started!

Life in Pune

2010-07-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

Well, life here is not all that different from life in Chennai in the most basic of senses. The kids here have the same angst, possesive bf/gf issues, transparent bra straps for low cut tops and halters (since - "oh! how can you not wear one?????" Doesnt matter even if you are a size 30 or 32 and it doesnt really matter. Or if you switch to strapless bras - then - "Oh! I hope that is your bra's top line, I mean, you obviously can't be not wearing one," accompanied by a sickly sweet smile), PGs are usually dirty, hardly maintainenced and dilapilated flats/bungalows breathing their last, etc etc
So, all in all, situation for youngsters from outside is pretty much the same as in any cosmopolitan city.

Of course there are differences : While Chennai has a decent immigrant student population, Pune overflows with it. read somewhere that urban Pune population is more than 60% students. Dark, pale and all shades in between, hunky guys and very consciously preening girls strut down streets. This city is what guys/girls from small towns would report to their homies in a gushy tone, 'Dude, so many fucking hot chicks,' or, 'machan....oorellam orae super figurudaa' . You get my point. You can replace this with its hindi or feminine version.

For me, the good difference is that alcohol is cheaper, not that Ive had much time to experiment with it. I guess now that ragging ( what 'they' refer to euphemistically as the informal induction 'process') is finally over, with its attendant assignment writing and hunting for bizzaire accesories and clothes -for the dress code, we will have some time to explore the pubs and clubs in and around Pune.

Went to Papa Johns a coupla days ago. My first time since coming back to India, umm, the cheese really does melt, and in copious amounts. Then we went to a hookah bar. In the spirit of properly trying things, I learnt how to inhale the smoke. There was a nice Paan flavour in one, and the experts in our group also picked an orange mint thingy, which wasnt as good.

Needless to add, the tobacco went straight to my head. Since, Ive had no previous exposure to tobacco, I understand it gets to one quick. Left the place feeling sick and happy. (I've heard thats what tobacco does, but never really understood it.) Now I know better. The happy is the slight intoxication due to the tobacco content in the hookah, and the sick is a kind of vague nausea underneath the happy. I also read somewhere that when an addict goes cold turkey on ciggies, the sick and happy turns to sick and unhappy very quickly. Don't think I'm going to be a big fan of hookahs. The nausea was not a good feeling. Give me alcohol any day!

The language is a problem for those who dont know Marathi, but imagine my plight, not even being able to converse in Hindi! Atleast I can understand the language, thanks to umpteen bollywood movies, and cousins raised in the north. I am trying to learn the hindi script now. Unlike Tamil nadu, road and shop signs do not include the English version. Even buses proudly proclaim their numbers and routes only in Hindi and Marathi. Hence the urgent need to learn Hindi.

More later.

Pondering in Pune

2010-07-26T05:52:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a month and a half ago - just getting around to posting it.

We mostly don’t recognise when we have a good thing going. We realise what a good deal we had only in retrospect. But if we had realised that sooner, would we ever have new experiences, and adventures? Where do you draw the line at appreciating what you have and what you need to go in search of?

For example, I recently moved away from my family home to live in a strange new city, Pune, alone. While I was chaffing at the bit to get away, when faced with all the restrictions at my parent’s house, I did know what I would be giving up. Rules, curfews, innumerable calls in case of every ten minutes after the long needle hit the hour, anxiety if daughter is out after the sun goes down that no parent ever manages to completely quell in spite of respectable escorts of both gender accompanying said daughter. It goes on and on. I also knew the perks I’d be giving up. A higher middle class lifestyle, air conditioning in the room, clothes washed by servant or machine, dried, folded and or ironed and left on my beautifully thick mattress, or better, in my closet for me to pull out whenever. Food that easily aces inspection on nutrition, hygiene and taste.

Now, in a strange room, finally with the privacy and freedom that I’m yet to experience, I feel a pang of homesickness. Just for the three plug points for stove, fridge and laptop. Water that does not require waiting for the bucket to fill up, or a pump that needs switching on after trekking in your sleep wear through wet shrubs, weeds , ferns and the muck left behind by last night’s rain and residual croaking frogs that think that a cloudy morning is disguised dusk. (Which you know is a sure sign that snakes are nearby.)

P.S : there are snakes nearby - the girl who has the room next to me got a nasty surprise hissing at her when she entered her room last night and switched on the light.

The question of vampires and their diet

2010-06-01T10:00:00.000-07:00

      I have read a bunch of vampire novels in the last two years, the popular ones and the unpopular ones, you know, Bella’s stories, Sookie’s stories, Vampyres being trained in a school that prays to Nyx, tried some of the vampire romances (hmm, hmm, done that too. The Vegas vampire series, for example. urgh!), some Jim Butcher ones that feature different types of vamps, stories of the necromancer who also slays vampires, on the whole, a lot of vampire novels. Now, the big mystique is the hotter than hot male vamps that are amazing as tortured heroes, or cunning chiefs, or just plain bad boys. I get it, and so do a lot of women, and hence the books sell.
    Now, my sis Y, who also reads a lot, and has a read a few vamp books, asked me in one of our many sensible discussions between drooling over the fictitious hero vamps, weather I’d have a relationship with a cow? It’s food for a lot of humans! She said. True, but I’m a vegetarian( which is also an argument in the Bella stories, Edward is vegetarian, so doesn’t eat cows, or human blood), so it doesn’t count, I say.
     But the argument stays. Would anyone sane, kiss, make out or have sex with a cow or a pig or even say a tomato? And would people pay to read about it? Unless of course the person we are talking about is gross and has very very unnatural sexual preferences.
      Even though the logical argument is solid, the stories still continue to enchant new readers–because of the basic truth- that girls love reading about bad boys, and girls love reading about boys struggling with their bad natures even better.

Books, covers and terrace chats.

2010-04-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

I signed my first book contract yesterday with Hachette India! yay for me!It could take anywhere between 6-12 months for the book to hit the shelves, and I hear that this is a relatively short period and I should be thankful! :-)

Now, the thing I wanted to talk about was - the cover. I had two people apply to design the cover, even before the manuscript was fully written, one was my sister the art student whom we shall call 'Y' and the other was my newspaper designer friend, the graphic guy. I love both their styles, but there is no way that a newbie writer has final say on cover design. I'm not even sure how much of a say I would have in the matters outside of the words :-)

Now that it is official, I have many more people wanting to do the cover. lol. And graphic guy and Y, gracefully conceding that there isnt much I can say now for this one, are already fighting about who would hypothetically get to design my book covers and the art work for my next work, which has maps and stuff. :-D

I went for an audition yesterday for an advert, to play a young mother, and it was rather funny. I have done this before, but yesterday was the first time I felt I could and should connect to the character, mostly because I realised that most of my friends are mommies or are preggers or are wannabe preggers, and I'm happy aunt to a few tots.It's sad -only twenty five and already some one else is more important in your life than yourself. I think such self sacrifice can wait a few more years, don't you?

My only single best friend -K- (all other bf's are hitched- sadness) and me had a long bitching session yesterday about boys (Its time I started calling them men- but still) : her two men, one she plans to marry and the other she has on stand by :-) and my abortive non - affair non relationship with the writer guy,and about several other exes, one we kind of share(now, this boy was at one point dating another of our friends - But thats a whole other story :-)) on my high high terrace, cool evening wind on our faces, while sister Y and cousin A got high and drunky on the other side of the terrace. The chinese food was quite nice smelling, but they refused to share, meanies.

Anyway- my point is that- there is nothing as cathartic as a bitching session with your best mate- while stressing about a writing project, monies owed by ad companies, waiting on admission lists, and many other things.

Love, life and ...

2010-03-28T11:51:00.001-07:00

Love, life and all that jazz.
Love, life and the beer can!
Love, life and dream on...

These are all titles of desi english novels or 'Indian Writing' published in the last couple of years. Why this fixation on naming their books with 'love, life ...' (Duh, that is what most 'serious' Indian authors do, we are adamant about being literary, which is writing about love and life, at least a part of us thinks that is the best kind of writing there is...about life....that is not the issue here, I love Ghosh, Roy, Verma,Bagchi, you name them) when other authors have done just that, that too recently enough to stay in people's memories.

Ideally, you'd want your book's title to stand out! grab attention! etc etc, and if you really really want the title to resemble something familiar to hook the reader browing at the book shop, which might entice them to pick it up - you call it 'Non-twilight', or an 'Unsuitable boy'. But why this fixation on "love, life...and three more words', I just dont understand.

Okay, will tell you why I'm ranting about this - I was at Crossword, Chennai two days ago, minding my own business and looking sadly at all the books I cant really afford to buy, and accidentally was recruited to attend a book launch thing that they were doing in the cafe they have on the upper level.

It was for 'Love, life & all that jazz' by Ahmed Faiyaz. Now, I have attended book launches as a reporter and enjoyed the experiences. But now I saw them from the author's perspective, given that it might be me doing the same thing at some point.(Fingers still crossed about being accepted for publication, signing contracts etc, but gasp, gasp).

And when the event began, the room was quite empty and it was really sad to see the plight of the organiser lady and the young author (relatively young among authors, probably a few years older than me) looked a bit lost as he scanned the empty seats. (I'm already dreading the situation, I'd probably go and hide if it was me- if I didnt have an obligation to myself and the publisher to sell as many copies as I could :-( which was what was making Faiyaz sit and continue. (reluctantly, you can conclude.)

The event began 45 minutes after it was scheduled, with about 10 poeple, but thankfully the seats filled up a little by little, and by the end of the event 3/4ths of the seats were occupied. I could actually see the author get more confident when people started arriving randomly from the floor below after hearing bits of reading he did.

I liked what I heard, and the book was reasonably priced, but I hadnt carried cash in hand that day, so stopped by landmark today to see if I could grab a copy. That was when I figured there were three books with similar names, all published in the last coupla years.

And hence the ranting. Can't we be a little creative? Atleast google titles we like to see if there are matches, and if there were some, whether they were recently published, things like that. I'm still going to read the book, but this is just making me think of why we find titles and want to stick to them, though they might work against us. I mean, if there was Swarchkopf, and Schwarzkopf, some people might buy the wrong one. Okay, that was a bad example, but you get the drift.

So long...

2010-03-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I put finger to keyboard to write a post here, because I have been well, pre-occupied. I have, in the past year and a half, been acting in ads,a television show and anchoring news at a private channel based here in Chennai, the latter of which basically means party propaganda in the guise of news, and most importantly, I have managed to get around to writing my first novel. (This is where there is drumroll in my head:-)

While I actually finished the writing between Sep '08-Dec '08, I had been languishing and feeling sorry for myself at the lack of response from any publisher I wrote to all through last year. (Now, I'd been sending in the manuscript to the editorial offices of the major publishers in India, as instructed in the submission guidelines each of them specify on their websites. Turns out thats not how you go about it(!) and Im not talking about getting it to a publisher through an agent, but that is another story.)

Here goes- you have a m.s that you think can be published (not talking about vanity publishing here- dunno whether it was intentionally named thus - anyway -the term is self explanatory- talking about proper publishing house that publishes your work and pays you money for it.), this is what you do :

You have to find out the name of the editor who deals with the genre of fiction your book falls under in whichever publishing house you are targetting and send your manuscript to him/her. Now, it seems simple enough when it is put that way. Except Publishing companies in India just do not give that kind of information clearly on their websites, and you just send it to the editorial department, it is put into the dreaded 'slush pile' and doesnt see the light o' day. And if at all someone there notices that you took the trouble to print it beautifully on bonded paper, with double spaces, send it and all, you get a even more dreaded 'form' letter, where your name is just inserted into the 'to' space and tell you 'sorry , we cant publish your book. good luck.' and usually dont even mention the name of your m.s.

Let's say you do call a publisher up and ask for info about who is the editor in charge of the genre you are writing for, and some kind soul takes pity on you, and gives you info without slamming down the phone on yet another 'wanna be' writer, you have to verify that info, because folks at publishing companies seem to be a very mobile population. Children and teen books editor at Company A one week is at the same position at a rival company the next.So your addressee not there, THUD, one more m.s hits the ever growing slush pile.

Now, once you find out and play the game, i.e, you manage to identify the editors you want to send it to - then the rejection game probably continues. So, you think maybe an agent is a good idea. Tringggggg. Wrong. They are even more beseiged with m.ss they want to read, but their reading lists are longer than editors.

And on top of all this, normal response time, if at all there is one, is approximately 3-6 months, leaning more towards the higher limit of the range.

So, all the bad things have been said. But there are some good things. You send it to the proper people and then good things could happen. For eg: I got a reply from an editor who told me how I could make the manuscript better, and also just because they said no- I shouldn't lose heart. And another editor responded within three days of my sending the sample chapters of the m.s to her to send the entire thing. Fingers crossed!

(Note : I know I have said more negative things here than positive for people who want to write - but so have a bunch of other writers- in fact there are books on 'why not to be a writer' and I found two such tomes at the BCL, Chennai. Seems writer angst funds a huge industry by itself :-)

I have also been experimenting with cooking along the way. I had a soup fixation for a while, and so roasted red peppers, roasted pumpkin, french onion, wild mushrooms, spinach, zuccinni, carrots and celery, and all types of quash were made into soups, and my family got bored after a while :D

The croissant bug arrived recently, and its all about controlling the melting butter sheets that envelope thin dough sheets and preventing it from frying the bottom of the dough instead of cooking it. And as Merryl Streep's Julie says, 'Is there anything better than butter?'

Forget the cake...eat bread

2008-09-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

I finally made a perfect loaf of bread...it's a labour of love. Worked on and fermented for hours, just to yield one normal sized loaf. Baking a cake is 6th standard biology compared to bread making's understanding Grey's Anatomy. Cake batter is simple. You mix everything togther and bake it. Even if you did not do the sugar and butter creaming first, or added the eggs without separating the yellows and the whites, cake still tastes like cake.

Bread dough is so fickle.
The salt should not be directly added to the yeast+warm water mixture. the sugar should. too much flour, and your bread tastes like cardboards' cousin.
You have to knead and knead for ten solid minutes for proper gluten strands development.
Then it has to rise to double its size in the perfect temperature with good, living yeast of the exact right amount.
Then after the first time the dough rises,(it might not rise at all, if any one parameter is screwd up, old yeast, water not warm enough, water too hot that kills yeast,too much yeast it makes dough rise too fast and collapse, etc etc) you got to punch it down and shape it.
If you punch it down a little too much, your bread is flat and tastes a little of the alcohol that couldnt escape. If you dont punch enough, your dough will overrise and collapse.
After punching down and shaping it, it has to rise again.
Then you bake it in the oven at the exact right temparature, a small deviation could cause the crust to form too soon too thick that it cannot be broken through without a hammer.

So, after overcoming all the odds( many imperfect loafs later), yesterday I made the perfect loaf. Properly crusted outside, soft and spongy bread with good air-holes and slicing it was a peice of cake :)
Am thinking that now that I have troubleshooted and found out what I was doing wrong (it was the second rise, it just wouldnt rise, tuns out i was kneading again, when all i should have done was press the dough down softly a couple of times and carefully shaped it without pulling it too much) and perfected bread making, I should turn my attention to making croissants, which are much tougher, because of the many layers it has, that require folding and folding the dough over a rectangle of butter.

Did you know that money is called dough because of bread dough???? din't realise that before :) Too many conotations about bread being directly equalled to money in western idioms....bread and butter, which side bread is buttered on, put bread on the table bla bla....

To crossiants!!!!

And the verdict is

2008-09-20T00:17:00.000-07:00

I am not made for dating more than one guy at a time.....I feel like I am cheating on the other two...and thus ends my career as a Playa!!!!

I am going to date one guy ...and one guy only at a time...

In other news, the novel I am working on ( Oh yeah, 'she's trying to be a writer' - as one of my cynical writer friends, who has seen plenty of society men and women in Bombay say that they are writing a book, would say. It is the 'in' thing these days for jobless people to work on a novel in a desultory fashion, like writing a chapter a year and boast about it at parties. But this book has been in my head for almost five years now. ) is progressing quite well, am done with the first half of it. Have put it away for a few days in the hope that I will get some perspective as to the direction in which it is going to go.

I also need to get back to baking a few 'countless calorie' desserts and get indulging...all the dieting I have been sticking on to makes me bad tempered and mean before breakfast...am not Kareena Kapoor after all and do not need to get into a size zero dress.

AV

Of dating three men at the same time

2008-09-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

Technically, it is two boys and one man....and when I say dating, I am talking about exactly that. Pleasant conversation, food, and the occasional movie. I have not slept with any of the three of them and I do not plan to, at least not in the near future...

I have realised that the axe will fall shortly...and I will stick my head into the "mangalsutra' noose very soon...and am exercising my right to choose, before my parents do it for me.

So I am considering my options....and meeting men who ask me out...being set up at times, if you will...and all the boys/men I meet seem pleasant enough. But is this one the one? Is he worth spending time with? are the questions I am plagued with...

As the risk of thinking corny...I think of the 'So, when do you know its love?' tag line of jaane tu ya jaane na'...except I have no lofty ideals of love....but the line doesnt sound as effective when you substitute 'love' with 'true companionship' does it ?

Choices, choices!

S.E.X

2008-08-16T03:08:00.000-07:00

We, as in my friends (this particular group is made of girls, primarily) and I, make it a point to talk about sex loudly in public places. And when I say loud, I mean LOUD.

Why? Maybe because we have always been told not to talk about it loudly, and never in public places. Call it the typical teenage rebellion. But we are no longer teenagers. It did begin in our teens. When whoever overheard our whispered talks told us to be quieter about it; and we just talked louder. And the habit has kind of stuck. And now that we are older we talk details , nasty details too and laugh louder when the mallipoo( jasmine) clad maami (generic word for aunty) ( who probably cannot understand the specifics that her husband is glaring at, but has caught the one word she does, SEX) shoots us death darts for being so uncultured and in a public place too.

It might have been cultured not to talk about it, when you get married at 16, even before you begin thinking about this thing that has been denied to us. But, no one gets married at 16 any more. (At least not the educated middle -class, where I belong). When social and financial pressure has increased the age where marriage become appropriate, but the age of attaining sexual maturity decreased, it is kind of sadistic to tell people, “not only must you not do it, but you shouldn't be heard talking about it as well.”

Plus, it is not that young men and women are not indulging in premarital sex, it is just that it is hidden and done secretly. Even telling friends is considered dangerous, coz who knows who will spill the info to whom as the years go by, and how drastic if one's saintly mother has to hear that her angelic daughter was not a virgin when she got married!!!!!

So, talking to a prominent city gynaecologist about the occurrence of pre-marital sex in our virtuous Chennai ( I was researching for an article in my journo days ) was I glad to hear that more than 50% (which was her conservative estimate). of middle and higher income group youngsters indulging in pre-marital Doing IT. Oh yes, I was. (Based on those who come to her and her colleagues for prescription contraceptives and for D&Cs, the latter is a whole other sad story) ….

Now, that I have meandered on and on randomly about one of my pet subjects,
Till next time.

To act or not to Act

2008-05-19T02:10:00.000-07:00

A fellow blogger wrote sometime ago that in India, everyone has an opinion about what another should do. What is right and what is wrong. And if their advice is not followed, they take it as a personal injury to their ego and sulk for ages, till you are forced to apologise for not listening to them. And if your plan of action did not work, you have to contend with gloating expressions and actual - 'I told you so's .

To act or not to act

Women actors are sluts. There are no two sides to this equation in Tamil Nadu apparently, as I am learning from my mother. So vehement is this opinion that we have now been fighting two days non- stop. As a model (sounds weird referring to me thus, since I dont really feel like a model. Models are leggy lasses who look like a million bucks at all time and come on TV wearing flashy clothes. Me, I have only done a couple of ads and I dont have the mandatory washboard stomach.) I was warned that I would be offered movies all the time. What I did not anticipate was that the onslaught would begin even before I become prominent or before a few dozen ads. I have been offered three films to date. One as a second heroine and two as a primary female lead. And yesterday, I was asked to appear in a couple of scenes in a movie. And it led to fighting again. Forget the fact that there would be no skin exposure involved or any romance with any male actors. (great banner and awesome actor by the way. ) Apparently actresses are considred sluts here. And however decent your behavior is, or the fact that you dont sleep around for either roles or for money doesnt matter. Hugging and romancing men on screen makes you a slut. For what Nalla Tamizh Ponnu (good tamil girl) will willingly involve herself in a profession where she would have to be physically close to different men and hug and kiss multiple men ? How will a "slut" like that find a "good" boy for marriage???

And no compromise can be reached. I am not aspiring to be a Vrisha or a Navanthara or a Gammana. I cant bear to even watch Commercial masala crap that is churned out in Chennai. And I abslutely would not agree to dance around trees with Jayam Tavi or a Vimbhu or a Jhanush. Or be fake abducted by a Bhasish Vidyarthi or a Payaji Phinde and cry for the hero to come and save me. Nope. Cant do such puke inducing stuff.

But I have great respect for a certain filmmakers. Mani Ratnam, his asst. Priya, Rajiv and Gautham menon, in the off chance that I might get noticed by them and asked to act in their movies . But even they are a no-no for my mother. No movies. Period.

Limit-less lies

2008-05-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

You know what pains me most? The way women lie to get the men they want. Not just any lie. I believe mostly that the end justifies the means (plus a few white lies are un-avoidable in any relationship in this day and age). But never that particular pregnancy lie.
Because, it is the ultimate lie to get a decent guy, however squeamish he is about commitment, to commit. Even the decent guy with a thick 'jerk' coating, will fall at the pregnancy lie.

But, what is the point of having the guy, if the thing that made him commit to, is not you, but as much as you love it, the baby? Maybe some women can live that kind of a lie. But every time I see one of those scenes or read this same cliche'd plot in a 'self-pity-mode-mills-and-boon-reading-phase', I just want to puke. The sensation is actually physical, the need to puke, I mean.

Why the sudden move to talking about 'I am pregnant with your child' so you-cant-escape-me-now-expression? (carefully expressed, with a mixture of the sad-guilty and the doe-eyed
"Im so sorry I got pregnant, but you love me so you will be with me" look, that is gaurenteed to work a 100 %? ) Urgh....vomit-territory.
Anyway, I am a serious Grey's Anatomy fan, (watch every episode, follow all the actors' live carefully on US WEEKLY) and the plot line has the Rebecca Pope character cheating Alex Karev into believeing that she is pregnant, so that he finally give a s*** about her. And I got carried away ranting about it :)

Later.

The great look-alike mystery: Javier and Jeffrey

2008-05-03T00:58:00.000-07:00

Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the hottie from Grey's Anatomy. I have been (and so have other Grey's fans) lusting after this dude ever since he began appearing as the doomed poor-heart character in the series. Awesome eye-candy. And when I saw the same face in the promos of No Country for Old Men, I assumed it was him till someone told me that the actor in the movie was a Spanish actor named Javier Bardem. And seeing Jeff Dean Morgan in PS I Love You, reinforced my strong opinion that these two dudes are somehow related, if they are not twins seperated at birth ( like in a cheesy predictable flick plot line). Some ancestor somewhere has given them the same jaw and the same delectabe, dimple-showing smile. If Jeff was made to wear dark contacts, there would be no telling them apart, I think.

And you know another thing, where they are related are not, God - Well done! for producing not one, but two such fine specimens for us poor women to drool at :)

The lure of the mike

2008-04-29T01:17:00.001-07:00

I was the Mc for a recent Rotary club event in the city last Saturday. (For the un-initiated, MC stands for master of ceremonies, the guy/girl who conducts the event...blabs on the mike...welcome...yada yada yada...next we gonna...yada yada yada...hope you had fun... yada yada and thanks for not throwing eggs on our faces...yada yada :)

And it is fun, when all the talking you normally do can pay you quite some bit of money. And there are poeple who do this professionally, and charge about 5K for an evening. And the even more famous ones that charge even more.... tune of 15K per evening. All for the gift of the gab and the non-objection to gab in a public forum, where about hundereds of people judge you for every word you utter. But, again, being a beginner, other than having dabbed in compereing events in school and college, the money is not as good as even 5k. But it will get there in a year's time. A friend of mine is going on a 10 city tour where he has to MC for the product launch events. He can't come back home for about a month and a half. But is being paid for all his troubles in lakhs :) 5 to be exact .

And in the domestic arena, I mastered the art of the roast red bell pepper and tomato soup. Highly flavourful and non- calorific...which most dishes can't boast of, except for soup and low-fat chocolate cereal. Am planning to try my hand at the roast pumpkin and garlic soup :)
I also made some super moist, super sweet brownies, which I made other ppl eat :)

More later.

My first ad-film experience

2008-04-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

I have always been interested in getting into modelling ever since I saw Aishwarya and Sush, when I was around 10-11 years old. I guess most girls in India old enough to recognise that beauty well endowed and maintained lead to world-wide good- quality popularity, and not the sleazy popularity we were encouraged as children to associate with female actresses, especially in the south. And as any girl would have preened in front of a mirror, so did I. But adolescent puppy-fat put a block to that for quite a few years :)
When I found myself back in shape after hitting 16, I found out that I was a geek. And geeks were never encouraged in these kind of things in Chennai, coz geeks were created ( I think parents start praying for brilliant children even before the embryo is created) to enter medical college or engineering college and make their families proud.
Anyway, all this history leads to why I, a 23 year old am doing my first ad- film ....
Studying always took priority, till I decided it doesnt have to. So instead of being an independant, earning 75K USD a year career woman at some big bio-tech company in some part of the USA, I am trying to get a foot hold, in hot sweltering Chennai, in the modelling industry.....
The ad film was for a new product- a packet of nuts :) Ah, it doesnt really matter, for beggers can't be choosers. And it is a 3k payment for half a day's work...no complaints for now....And being an older entrant, while it is disadvantgeous, because everyone else is barely 18-19, is also good, because I see the competition and get reminded of myself at 18. Not very confident and a little unsure of my own identity. Could never handle pressure situations like I could do now.
There's a lot to be said for maturity.

Cinnamon Craze

2008-04-24T05:55:00.001-07:00

I love baking. I love when the dough rises and the sweet cakey and the fruity smell fills the house. I love experimenting with different ingredients, mix different flavours like pecan and banana or chocolate and pineapple and love it when the combination works beyond what I had imagined. I love giving ppl the food I have created and watch them enjoy it.
Of course I have had oven mishaps. It was the very first time I tried making chocolate-chip cookies. The dough was too soft and started running in the heat, and I got a huge, flat and rectangular cookie the size of the tray that I had put the (what I had thought small )dollops of dough on :)
Anyway, I was without the outlet that baking provided for almost a year and a half before I treated myself a month ago and bought a small 15 litre capacity oven from Spencers. Now the entire family is complaning that I am making them fat. Somehow, as much as I love baking, I never eat more than a couple of pieces of whatever I have made. Maybe that is because the cook ( or I am ) with the product right from when its still flour, butter, sugar, milk, fruit, vegetable and eggs, that by the time the cake or cookie or pizza or pie comes out of the oven, steaming hot, you have lost your appetite for the product.
Anyway, now I have started to make the neighbours fat too :) Made a heavy banana cake today, which doesnt really need eggs. (mom and grandma are strict veggies)
I always used to wonder at the western taste, where almost all desserts have cinnamon in them. My Indian sensibility was revolted when the apple pie I was served at a 4th of July celebrations came with a heavy cinnamon dusting. Cinnamon was a hot, spicy food condiment, usually gracing biriyanis and pulavs in a fried state, and seeing it in desserts never became normal for me in my 2 years in the States.
But, I realise it now. It lessens the sweetness, when the sweetness is too much and can lead to what we call - thegating in Tamil. When too much sugar can lead to a cloying sensation and you can eat no more of the dish. I realised this when I tasted the small sticky pieces of cake that came out with the fork, when I was testing done-ness. Some recipes call for extra sugar to give size and shape to particular cakes. So I ground up some sticks of cinnamon and dusted the top of the cake along with some white sugar. Cake tasted great and the sweetness was tempered well too :D

New moves....new life

2008-04-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I want to strangle my parents. Of course, they want to strangle me all the time too. That is primarily because I live in their house. It is never a good idea to go back and live with parents, who still want to set the rules, after one has lived by oneself / with roomies for a relatively considerable amount of time.

Recent case in example : My deputy editor, a very independant 28 year old served host to his mother, who had come visiting her beloved son for a few weeks. And, my soon-to-leave-the-country, partying, night-owl deputy had to endure calls every half-hour from 8 pm till he surrendered and went home at 12 pm, which is when the night usually wakes up for him. He is still complining. So, a guy who, in my eyes, seemed to have it all together, is pestered by his mom to this extent, I see no relief for me in the near future :(

And with drinking being a huge No-No to my ultra tee-totalling mother, whose face hardens to rock everytime alcohol is even spoken about, I have had to refrain from even occasional drinking. I know why I put up with all this. Financial and emotional security. And even if i get my financial independance back again soon, moving out seems to be a distant dream. Because of quaint old notions running through my father's thick head that a girl ought not leave her father's house, unless she has to move to another city for the cause of employment or education, till she is married. Because of what society might think, about the father's evilness or about the girl's wicked life-style which necessitated the moving out. Not that the 'need for independance' will be bought by society as a reason. Apparently, something must be wrong with the family or the child to choose to live in another house while the parents live in the same city!

Sometimes i post just to crib about the sad aspects of my life. And since I quit my job recently, I miss writing my dating/single in the city column. It was fun while it lasted. But, no worries, lots to do in the meantime, going about setting up a whole new different career, while trying to finish my post-graduatation.

Issues

2008-02-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare....W.H.Davies was a genius....I have no time to stand and breathe in even the polluted air of my beautiful city.....all my time, I spend on the run.

Of course, some of the running, I bring upon myself. Running away from prospective beaus, is something I dont particularly enjoy, yet am forced to do it, because I dont want to hurt anybody or let anyone down, but yet, I have to refuse dates if I accidentally bump into them or pick up their calls, because actually going on the date will give them ideas, which I obviously am uncomfortable giving.

How does all of this start anyway? I am friendly, even flirtatious, but the moment I sense more than casual interest, I run. Why? Because all the guys I just want to flirt with, end up wanting more. And all I guys I do want more with, end up running away. Ironic, isnt it? Amidst all the running and the chasing, I wonder if at all I will meet someone who wants me, who I want too....Am not talking the sex thing here, theres plenty of two way desire happening in my life. I am talking about wanting a relationship with a guy who wants a relationship with me.

Somehow in my 23 year old liberated life, even though the last ten years have been around 'heightened awareness ' members of the opposite sex, I have not managed to find that elusive thing called a relationship. Oh, the issues.

Who doesnt have them? All the world has are issues. With other countries, with neighbouring states, with the teacher, the boss, colleagues, friends, co-actors, siblings, parents........with the crackle bar sitting on my table and the last of the whiskey in the Johnny Walker bottle.....issues.

More later.

Why oh why GOD!

2008-01-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

My father told me this morning, the following dialogue.

"Rani Meyyammai hall cost 4 lakhs for two days rental, exclusive of water and electricity charges. And catering arrangements cost about a lakh if you want to give your guests good food for the two days."

After my non commital, "hmmm" he goes on, "And Hindhi Prachar Shaba hall costs only a lakh for two days...but its not in the same range as Rani M. hall."

Two of his close friends' daughters are getting married shortly. Both of them are exactly my age, one even with a degree more than me.

After being bugged about the marraige issue by my mother for almost a year now ( am only twenty frigging three now) , my dad too has taken up the mantle to fight for the cause of the establishment - namely - get a reasonably nice boy, preferably from the same community and get hitched.

OOhhh, the fact that I dont want to get married is something they think if they ignore, somehow slowly my though process will become like their's. It is like - their ignoring the elephant in the room will promtly make the elephant go "poof" and vanish.....and the fact that a ceremony to unite two beings in matirmony should cost atrocious sums that some people struggle to save in a decade is abhorable.

Ok, its not like im going to marry some inappropriate guy or elope with a hooligan or something.....I dont have a boyfriend..... only younger men seem to be attracted to me for now...dont know if that is good or bad in some ways....but i definitely cannot bring home a boy, who still has years of independance left to enjoy and make him marry me to satisfy my parents...

So, now that i have vented enough, i will go away.....

Actor and love/hate blues

2008-01-16T10:10:00.000-08:00

I am going to interview an actor in a couple of weeks. I have interviewed actors before, it goes with the job. And in my job, you can't be in awe of celebrities, because interacting with them is your livelihood. And, if, in spite of knowing job specifications, you are in awe of actors, apprehensive or gobsmacked, once you see them in the flesh, sweating, bumbling, making gaffes and faux pas, you fall quickly down from the haze high up there.

So, why is this actor special? Well, he is not very popular, atleast not as popular as some of the other stars I have interviewed. But, I have kind of had a thing for him ever since he came over from a neighbouring state. Why? My friend from work asked.....and I am well past the age where girls fantasize seriously about actors......so I started wondering.....He has the typical looks of the type I am naturally attracted to ......of course I veered from my 'Type' once in a while(One has to, especially coz there aren't many to go around in the aforesaid type), but he fits the Type to a 'T'...but it is not just that....
His voice is wonderful, deep and gravelly, kind of like Yesudas, whose voice I love, and whose voice kind of resembles one of my first and few love-hate thingies. So I started thinking about all the people I have had Love and hate with.....There aren't that many in that list.....infact...it had just the one guy I mentioned.....the other two are females, but I am digressing here.

So anyway, I am going to interview him pretty soon. And I hope I can do a good job of it, because I kind of clam up if I am attracted to someone. Clammed up interviewers don't generate good interviews, do they? :(

My sister depressed me a whole lot, when I came home from work, today talking about a Taboo subject, which in my dictionary include "groom", "family", "relative" and everything that goes with that. She was in a strange mood and told me not to give in to the pressure, coz if I gave in , she might be tempted to...not that I plan on giving in to the pressure in the near future....not for another three years at least....In case you haven't guessed, yup am talking about the dreaded 'Arranged Marriage" thing.

Lots more to say, but when queen somna( what else can you call her?) becons, one has got to hit the bed,

so with that faithful narrative, I take leave.....
More later,
AV

Who writes blogs?

2008-01-14T12:37:00.001-08:00

First post.

Hmmm.

What wordly wise words does one put on the internet when one finally overcomes their reluctance and starts to blog ? I cannot find those words, the ones that leave the reader flabbergasted, shocked or atleast amused.

Usually, people have to stop me from shooting out of my mouth. I talk too much. My foot should have been partially digested by now, with the amount of time it spends in my mouth.

I always thought that blogs were for people who dont get to write professionally. Superior writing skills dont belong in a blog, I once thought. (Not that my prose skills are superior, but they are decent) They belong where people pay to read them, in papers, mags or books. But I see the error of my ways now. See, I actually got a writing job, where I get paid to write. But, it comes with a catch. ( What doesn't, these days?) One cannot always write what one wants when one actually gets paid to write what the boss wants....but more about the boss later, when the ethanol levels tell me to chuck - what if my boss happens upon my blog?- caution.

But here, one can write what they want. Curse the world, the president, the congress, umpires who should be sacked, the BJP, DMK, AIADMK or whoever else that needs cursing. One can declare love, hate, friendship, resolutions and whatever emotion that one needs to take off one's chest.....So, now I have embraced Blogion(Blog+religion, get it?)

So, adios, till I decide what I want to actually write here,
AM